Page 69 of Three for a Girl

Chad swallowed past the lump in his throat.

“I’m not.”

“You are. You are worthy of an existence and you telling me you only feel alive when you’re at work is a worry. What if one day you go to work, catch a killer, and don’t get this hit or rush?”

He shook his head. A drop of sweat crept over his eyebrow and he hurried to wipe it away. He couldn’t keep eye contact with Keeley, he turned his attention to the window instead, fixating on the cars passing by.

“Chad?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if you could never have that hit?”

His fingers ached, and he had no idea why until he looked down and saw the manic movements, his hand relaxing and contracting like a beating heart.

“Did you experience this peak when Romeo was caught?”

He’d torched the barn to ensure Romeo was caught, but his brain didn’t rush with endorphins at a job well done.

There was no peak. He stopped, froze on the ascent with Romeo’s hands wrapped around his throat. He didn’t want the peak, he wanted the fall right there and then.

Fall and let Romeo rise above him.

“No.” he whispered.

“What about the cases that followed?”

He took a sharp breath and closed his eyes. The cases after Romeo had all been the same, the familiar build up, the buzz and adrenaline before Chad’s emotions flatlined.

“It hasn’t been the same since.”

Except with Marc Wilson, but that hadn’t been the same feeling. His emotions didn’t just peak, they took off into uncharted territory. Anger, and pain, and relief, and pride all swirling around his head, never slow enough for him fully to process—they were wisps—and at the center of all the madness stood Romeo.

His monster and his savior.

There couldn’t be one without the other.

One couldn’t be happy without the other.

Chad stopped his hand dead on his knee.

“You’re different since Romeo.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“And you’re different since Marc.”

Chad scrunched up his face. “Yes.”

“It was inevitable. You can’t go through all you’ve been through and be the same person on the other side. We change from day to day, sometimes small changes, sometimes huge changes.”

“I’m scared of change.”

“Why?”

“It’s hard. It’s stepping into the unknown and hoping everything works out, and what if it doesn’t? What if it all goes wrong? What if I lose everything?”

“It’s better than hoping to change what we can’t. If I could offer you a pill that could delete the past few years of your life, would you take it?”

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