Page 68 of Three for a Girl

“And after they’ve been charged?”

“It’s on to the next case.”

“But that transition period, from the end of one case to the start of the next, how does it feel?”

“Empty.” He shrugged. “There was nothing.”

“You must have had holidays, time away from work.”

Chad thought back on Neil, and the expensive places they’d been to. Neil preferred to lounge on beaches, sipping cocktails, but Chad had never been able to relax. He’d been restless, pacing, doing anything he could to distract himself, to kill time so he could get back to work. It didn’t feel as suffocating with Romeo. He enjoyed spending time with him despite the itch at the back of his head.

“I’d always feel frustrated. It didn’t matter what I was doing, it was always there, ticking away. It still is always there, sometimes it’s loud and sometimes it’s quiet.”

“Do you feel it now?”

“Yeah. It’s loud.”

“Why loud?”

“My team’s at work right now on the trail, but I’m here…”

“Catching killers seems to give you some emotion peak.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Your job shouldn’t define you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s unhealthy if you only feel worth and satisfaction from your job, not you as a person.”

He snorted. “I’m not worth anything as a person, but I am as a detective.”

“You are not worthless, Chad. I’m sorry you feel that way—”

“I’ve felt that way every day for as long as I can remember. My mother made sure I knew. I was nothing but an inconvenience, and it didn’t matter how hard I tried to please her and make her like me, she didn’t.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“She told me she didn’t want me.”

“Things are often said in anger, in the heat of the moment.”

“She told me it every day. Every day she sneered and tutted and left the room if I came into it just to be around her. I was a disappointment to her, and she was an addict who slept with anything that crawled through the front door.”

“Some people just aren’t … mothers.”

“That’s my point. I wasn’t born to a loving mother. I don’t even know who my father is or whether he’s alive or dead. I exist in this world on my own, tainted, broken, unwanted, and I have to find some kind of purpose, some reason to justify being here.”

“So you catch the bad guys?”

“Is that so wrong? I come from nothing, but I feel something when I catch killers. My life matters because I stop others from losing theirs. I help people heal by arresting the perpetrators and holding them accountable, and you condemn me for it.”

“No. I’d never condemn you for that, Chad.”

“Then what?”

Keeley leaned forward. “You are worth more than your job.”

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