Page 99 of Two for Joy

“You look like shit.” Chad mumbled.

“Me?” Romeo laughed softly. “If only you could see yourself.”

Chad’s eyebrows twitched, then he scrunched his eyes shut, and his body started to shake. Him in distress sent Romeo’s mind into a confused spiral. He didn’t know what to do, how to help, could only hold Chad’s face as he broke down and feel as his own pit of despair widened and deepen in his chest.

“Listen to me.” He said, wiping Chad’s tears away with his thumbs. Chad’s face continued to twitch and shake as he tried to withhold his anguish.

“You listening?”

“Ye—yeah I’m listening.”

Romeo nodded, half to himself, half to Chad. “I’m gonna get you out of here, okay?”

“I’m—I’m really thirsty.”

“Okay,” Romeo said, looking around the room. He spotted a jug of water and a glass on a dresser, but when he took a step towards it, Chad spoke in a hurry.

“No, not that water.”

Romeo hesitated, then nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

“Be quick.”

Romeo opened the doors along the corridor, until he found the bathroom. He filled up the glass, then hurried back to the bedroom. Chad struggled to sit up, then Romeo steadied him as he drank the lot. He was shaking so much his teeth knocked on the glass, making Romeo wince. He put the empty glass on the floor, then reached for Chad again.

Chad moved his arm, and a cuff clunked against the bedframe. “He cuffed me.”

“That’s okay.” Romeo said, releasing Chad’s face, and searching his pocket. “I found this downstairs.”

Romeo leaned over Chad, and unlocked his cuff, before he’d even moved back, Chad had his arms around Romeo, clinging onto him hard. Romeo leaned back till he was on the edge of the bed, and Chad went with him, keeping a tight hold, burying his face in Romeo’s neck.

“Are you actually here?”

“Yes.” Romeo said.

He went to hug Chad in return, but hesitated. He didn’t want to aggravate his wounds, didn’t want to cause him any more pain. But the longer he didn’t wrap his arms around Chad, the harder Chad pressed into him, the tighter his arms became until he was squeezing Romeo. Romeo slipped his hands up Chad’s bare back, held him close, and that seemed to be what Chad desired, he relaxed into Romeo’s arms with a shaky sigh, still sobbing, still making aborted gasps, still shaking with some emotional overload.

Romeo’s mind went back to a funeral. Not the first with his nanny when he learned he felt nothing, not his mother’s, the last one he’d been to, but his father’s.

He’d never seen his mother cry that hard. Never seen someone’s eyes fog over forever. Never seen her shake, or her voice wobble. She’d walked to the front of the church, piece of paper in hand, about to speak about her husband, Romeo’s father. She’d struggled, the beginning had been indecipherable, and Romeo had stood up, prepared to read to spare her any further upset. She’d held up her hand to stop him, then asked him to sit down, said she needed to do it.

She dabbed her eyes, then spoke about love. The love she felt for her husband, Romeo’s father.

Love was different for everyone, indescribable, unmeasurable, alien to define, alien to understand, but special, powerful, a force greater than life and death, and even though Romeo knew at an early age, he’d never understand it how everyone else did, he saw it, and he protected it despite what his brain told him.

He’d seen his mother’s and father’s love for each other. No manipulation, no ulterior motive, a true love, and rather than destroy their happiness and love by admitting what he was, and giving in to the darkness in his head, he kept his demons at bay to preserve it, an emotion he didn’t understand, but knew was special. He’d promised his mother if he found it, he’d never let it go, not believing for one second, he would, but with Chad burrowing into his chest, he realized he had.

His messed up, twisted version of it anyway.

He kissed Chad’s hair and let out a content hum.

“What—what are you thinking about?” Chad asked.

“Love.”

“Love?”

“Yeah, and how utterly ridiculous and confusing it is, but no less precious.”

---