Page 60 of The Rat

Rory glanced up at Captain.“What?”

“You look worse thanme.”

“Haven’t been sleepingwell.”

Captain sat down opposite. “Evenwithout me screaming the place down?”

“Yeah, well… looks like I’m going through about of insomnia.”

Rory didn’t add that it washorny induced insomnia. At any point during the night, Sebastiancould toy with the Vaseline tub, and it didn’t matter if Rory was exhausted, orhe was deep in the mists of sleep, he stirred, and woke uphard.

“How’s yoursleep?”

Captain shrugged. “I sleep, but in theday, I don’t quite feel myself.”

“How do youfeel?”

“Hazy, like I’m allsoft aroundthe edges.”

Rory frowned. “That doesn’t soundgood.”

“It’s one or theother—I don’ttake them, and my mind destroys itself, or I do take them, and I’mdetached from myself anyway.”

“There’s a thirdoption.”

“Which is?”

“Go see thepsychiatrist again.”

“I can’t.”

“It was months ago, explain howyou didn’t mean to get angry, but his questions feltinvasive.”

“I could do that, I could saysorry, and swear thatI’ll not do it again, but that would be a lie. Idon’t know how I’m gonna react, I can’t promise I won’t shout, orscream, or breakdown in tears.”

“Did you feel like hurtinghim?”

Captain flung himself back and gawped. “No,of course not.”

“Sorry, I wondered that’sall.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’tmake me feel good making him back off, making him go all wide-eyed and scared.It felt good in that moment for punishing him for prying, butnow…”

“Make another appointment. Youdon’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, you could gothere and just apologize, and then you’ll stop feeling thisguilt.”

Captain scrunched up his face as if hewas in pain, then nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He got to his feet. “I’ll see if I cansort out an appointment now.”

As soon as Captain walked away, Ollieslid into his seat.

“Where’s hegoing?”

“To makean appointment with thepsychiatrist.”

“Why? He’s stopped screaming now.”

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