Page 78 of Bossy Hero

“Then why, Maddie?” I move closer, my patience starting to fray around the edges. “Tell me why. Why won’t you let me make you happy when we both know it’s what you want?”

She doesn’t break eye contact or cower. But she’s still unable to speak.

Again, I press. “Why Maddie? Why are you punishing yourself?”

“Because,” she blurts out in a rush. “Because I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve a man like you.”

“Why not, Maddie? Who told you that?”

“Nobody told me that. It’s just the truth,” she lies.

“No. Fuck that. Tell me whose voice you hear when you think those words. Travis? Your father? Someone else? Who told you that you don’t deserve someone who will love you without hurting you? Who fucking said it? Whose voice do you hear, Maddie?”

The answer explodes out of her in a deafening roar. One with enough force to drive away every last shred of those lies she’s been feeding herself.

“It’s my voice, okay?Mine. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that because I already know it’s true.” She bangs her fist into her palm. “I don’t deserve happiness because I didn’t save my children. Not when they were young and not even when they were grown. That’s why!”

I crick my head to the side, brows arched in silent invitation for her to continue. She needs to get this out already.

“My daughter ended up with a man who beat her. Why? Because that’s what I taught her to do. That’s the example I set. And she died by her own hand rather than live a life as miserable as the one she saw me live. Now, I ask you this. What kind of woman deserves love after making her children suffer all their lives? I caused them so much pain. And now I’m paying the price. I don’t get to ride into the sunset while my Samantha lies cold at the bottom of the ocean.”

She storms off, not away from me exactly, but to start pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. Right in front of the kitchen island.

Ranting and screaming at me the whole time. Or at herself, most likely.

She’s crying too, and fuck, I want to go to her and comfort her. But she needs to get it all out if she’s ever gonna heal.

“I hid, Alan. Did you know that?”

“Hid?” I ask.

“From him. From Travis. I’d hide from him when I couldn’t stand it anymore. Sometimes, I’d hide from him before he started beating me. Because I knew it was coming. And then he’d go and find Leo or Drew. Or Sam—” She cuts herself off with a sharp sob before shaking it out and continuing.

“I’d hide because I couldn’t take anymore, and he’d go off to beat them. Sothat’sthe woman you’ve been waiting for, okay? I hid like a coward. I didn’t fight back. I can’t fight for myself just like I couldn’t fight for my kids. I couldn’t fight him. And I couldn’t fight my father. Don’t you see? I’m not a fighter. I’m the punching bag. That’s who I am. That’s all I’ll ever be.”

I cup her cheeks, planting myself in front of her to stop her frenzied pacing. “You’re fighting now, Maddie. Right fucking now. And do you know why?”

“I’m not. I’m?—”

“Yes, you are, baby. You’re fighting now because you know it’s safe to fight with me. All the years when you didn’t fight Travis, it’s because you knew it wasn’t safe to fight back. That’s why you hid, Maddie. It wasn’t safe for you to fight back when you were a child either. It was self-preservation, not cowardice. But you’re safe to fight with me. And I fucking want you to fight, Maddie. And I’ll fight right beside you.”

“Alan,” she simpers, gripping my cheeks the same way I’m gripping hers.

When she doesn’t say anything else, I gently coax her to continue. “What, Maddie?”

“I want. I want.” She shakes her head, blinking rapidly to clear her tears. “I want...”

I wipe her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. “What do you want, Maddie?”

More tears fall, and I catch them for her. For several heavy seconds, she doesn’t answer.

“Fight for it, Maddie,” I urge in a whisper. “Whatever you want, just fight for it.”

“I want you,” she finally admits, the words sailing to me on a pillow-soft cloud of warmth.

“Then fucking have me.”

Chapter12

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