Page 73 of Bossy Hero

Meekly, she stammers, “Alan, I... I don’t... I’m just...”

I open my arms wide. “I’m right fucking here, Maddie. Right in front of you. I’ve been here the whole fucking time. Waiting for you to be ready to start a relationship. And apparently, you finally are.Finally. Just not ready for me.” My voice falls to a whisper. “Will you ever be?”

My hands collapse onto my lap in defeat when she doesn’t respond. “You’re free to date anyone you want, Maddie. I’d never force you to choose me. Although I’ve never had any doubt about wanting you, I realize now it’s not the same for you. So if you’re never going to let me into your life, then cut me the hell loose.”

“I don’t have any doubts about you either,” she contends, chin raised and quivering. “IknowI want you. I always have. And at this point, I suspect I always will.”

I shift on the couch, bringing one bent leg up and twisting to face her. “Then why, Maddie? Why did you go out with that fucking piece of shit? Right under my damn nose. I know you aren’t a cruel person, but you gotta admit...”

I don’t want to finish that sentence. So I choke it back, stuffing it down like I’ve done with all my feelings for this woman for so damn long.

Her face sags, eyes downcast. “Now that you and Leo are so close, it wouldn’t be right. You’re his boss. It would look bad.”

I lower my head and crane my neck, trying to meet her eyes. “Are you kidding me with this shit?”

She shrugs half-heartedly. “You might be accused of impropriety or favoritism.”

“It’smyfucking company. If someone doesn’t like who I’m in a relationship with, they can fuck off out of it.” I stifle a groan and temper my volume once more. “Look at me. Be honest about why.”

She closes her eyes, giving her head the tiniest of shakes. A single tear escapes and cascades down her cheek in a meandering stream.

The shame and regret in here could suffocate us.

Softer this time, I beg, “Maddie, look at me.Please.”

Her eyes are coated in a sheen of tears when she finally complies. My heart threatens to shatter at what I see there.

All the fear.

The loathing and hatred. Not for me, but for herself.

Her grizzly is crippled and maimed.

Utterly broken. Shackled inside her mental prison.

“I’m so sorry, Alan. I never meant to hurt you. But we can’t be together.” Her subtle headshakes grow more emphatic, matching her now rapidly streaming tears. “I’m sorry I asked you to wait. I meant it at the time. I did. I swear. But things have changed. And you should move on. Don’t wait for me. I’m not?—”

She cuts herself off with a pained sob, bolting to her feet with a hand cupping her mouth.

I rise to follow her as she darts toward the hallway. “Don’t run from me, Maddie,” I plead softly.

She doesn’t stop.

Once she gets to her bedroom, she closes the door.

In my damn face.

Just like she’s done for thirteen fucking years.

With my hands cast into fists at my sides, I pace in the hallway for so long that I lose track of time. And of my thoughts. They careen inside my head like I’m in a tilt-a-whirl.

Why can’t I walk away from her? What the fuck happened to my pride? Why do I take this shit from her? When will enough finally be enough?

My spine stiffens as I answer my own question.

Tonight.

Right fucking now. It’s finally enough.

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