Page 186 of Bossy Hero

Her lips fold inward, and her cheeks wobble. “I don’t wanna worry about you like this.” She shakes her head, eyelids shuttering and tears careening down her flushed cheeks. “I’m mad at you for making me love you this damn much. It’s like I can’t breathe without you. I’ve had to rebuild my life too many times already. And I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it again.”

I scoop her hair to one side to reveal more of her face. “Why would you have to do it again?”

“If I lose you,” she forces out right before she cuts herself off with a sob.

“Aww, baby. I’m doing everything I can to keep myself safe. Keep you safe. And everyone here.”

“I know you are. It’s just you made me love you, and now I’m scared of losing you. Alan, I’m so damn tired of being terrified.”

Tears streaming now, she collapses against me. She buries her face in my shoulder while I stroke her hair. Her shaky breaths and sniffles tickle my neck, and her tears dampen my skin.

And I let her cry it out.

I’m a solid gold asshole. All night, I was focused on how the meeting with the chief yielded such great intel. It was a boon for our case against Lenkov. I was excited about what we could accomplish and overwhelmed by all we needed to do. Yet I was filled with hope that the end was within our grasp.Finally.

And she was here, worrying herself into a frenzy because she hadn’t heard from me. This wasn’t some minor nervousness or unease.

My Maddie was fucking petrified.

Instead of loving her through it and reassuring her, I came in here with big dick energy and let lust take over.

I’ve never felt such a primal need to claim her before. And it blinded me to her needs.

Guilt sets down roots in my chest, quickly branching out toward my limbs. I was so focused on myself that I didn’t consider her emotions. And she suffered because of my selfishness.

How could I let this happen again? Will I ever learn?

“Maddie, I’m so sorry you were worried when I went dark. As much as I regret upsetting you, it was necessary. I wouldn’t have accomplished everything I did without taking that risk. And baby, I learned so much tonight. So I wouldn’t have changed that part.”

She partially lifts her head off my shoulder and cranes her neck to meet my gaze. “I understand.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have charged in here and gone straight to this. I selfishly let my desire control me. I should’ve talked to you and given you time to tell me what you were feeling. I should have been more compassionate about your fears. And for that, I deeply apologize.”

“I forgive you. But don’t ever do that again. I was so scared, Alan. I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too.”

She presses her lips to mine for a chaste kiss, our mouths lingering for a breath before she pulls away.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you so wound up before.” She raises her brows suggestively. “Intimately speaking. What was that all about?”

While reflecting on her question, I hold her close and caress her upper back.

I try to parse together my emotions and memories from this evening to see if there was a spot in time where something changed in me. Was it a testosterone rush? Or was it something more?

Then the reason smacks into me.

In a hushed voice, I admit, “To tell you the truth, I’ve been wondering the same thing myself. But I might have figured it out.”

“I’m listening.”

“One of the things I’ll be sharing with the team tonight is what I learned about Chief Bigsby. He told me what Lenkov did to the woman he loved and to his children. I couldn’t stop picturing you.”

My voice trembles, so I pause for a breath. “He was a broken man. It’s decades later, and he still feels the pain as fresh as the day he lost her. Without a doubt, I would be the same way if I lost you. By the time I saw you, relief flooded my veins. Because you’re here, you’re safe, and you’re mine.”

Her tender compassion pulses through her touch and shines in her eyes.

“The only way I could process all the emotion was through our bodies. It was like Ihadto have you. Needed that connection to remind me you’re okay. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but I suspect it drove my actions.”

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