Page 138 of Bossy Hero

I’ll never get over what happened when Travis showed up tocollectme. I’m sure Tilly won’t either.

My eyes water as the memories assault me. The fear and panic. The regret. The shame. The begging.

The gun.

I blink through the tears and choke out, “You were scared, Tilly. Of all people, I know what it’s like to fear that man. I don’t blame you for what you did to protect yourself and your kids.”

“But I blamed you,” she counters. “That’s what I’m most sorry for. Because it wasn’t your fault. What Travis did to me wasneveryour fault. Nor was what he did to you and your kids.”

I want to believe her. I want it so badly I can taste it.

The conversation I had with Alan the other night replays in my psyche, pushing me closer to taking her words at face value.

Yet the vision of that gun cocked at my sister’s temple will never leave me.

When she went out to the front yard to send him away, the broom she had with her was no match for him. He knocked it out of her hand, smacked her across the face with it, then pulled out a gun and put it to her head. Marched her into the house and screamed for me to come out.

Even when I did, he didn’t release her for a long time.

Made her promise never to give me shelter again, threatening the lives of her children if she should dare to defy him. And if she called the cops, I was as good as dead.

She had no choice but to cut me off.

“I should have never stayed with him after that, Tilly. Never. How can you ever forgive me?”

Her answering sigh is filled with anguish, mirroring my own. “Maddie, I wasn’t under the impression that his actions that day would make you leave him.”

Through streaming tears, I ask, “Did you think that little of me?”

“Not at all. I was raised in the same home as you, remember? I recognized the hold he had on you because I lived it most of my life.”

Rather than answer, I sniffle back my tears and search for anything to relieve this pain. The festering shame and guilt.

“Maddie, sadly, I knew from the time he first struck Leo. Ifthatdidn’t send you away, nothing he did to me would be any different. To be honest, I thought Travis would take your life. I figured that would be the only way you escaped him. And I pushed you away because I couldn’t watch it happen.”

She sobs into the receiver, and I do the same. While we cry, I mutter a thousand apologies, and I mean each and every one.

Once our blubber fest eases up, I find the courage to ask about another part of our past that’s haunting me. “Tilly, I need to ask you something about our childhood.”

“So many good memories to choose from.”

Sarcastic, just like Sammy.

“I know it’s hard to talk about, but I need to know if you remember this. Because until recently, I’d blocked it out.”

“Okay,” she says tentatively.

“Do you remember hiding?”

“From Dad?”

I worry my lip, nearly breaking the skin. “Yeah.”

“Of course I do. Just last night, I pulled out a scrapbook and bedazzled pictures of my top five favorite hiding spots.”

Despite the horrid topic, she still manages to make me grin.

“Tilly, I’d forgotten how much Sammy takes after you. That’s exactly the kind of thing she’d say.”

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