Page 110 of Bossy Hero

I put my head down, remembering the dark times when we believed she was dead. “Yes.”

She weaves her fingers through mine. “I’m so sorry, Mom. But I’m glad you had him during that time.”

My weary eyes pool with tears. “Me too.”

After a long pause, she asks, “Why didn’t you tell us about your relationship? Did he want to keep it a secret or something? Because that’s a dick move. He might need a taint punch for that.”

Guilt pitches a tent in my gut. “No. Um. That was on me.”

“Mom,nooo.” Her jaw gapes. “Youwere the dick? My sweet mother made Leo’s boss her lover on the down low?Damn, this day just won’t quit with the breaking news.”

A haggard sigh rattles around in my chest until I free it in a rush. “Sammy, I don’t know why I hid him for so long. I have no good excuse, only flimsy ones. Justifications of a broken woman.” Those brewing tears spill down my cheeks. “Of all the men, he’s the least deserving of such cruelty.”

“First, you’re not broken. And second, you must have had valid reasons because you don’t have a cruel bone in your body.”

“Then how could I do that to him?”

She squeezes my hand, infusing me with her love and support. “This reminds me of something Jaynie explained in a therapy session.”

“What?”

“Ever hear of the Pygmalion effect?”

“Rings a bell, but I couldn’t tell you what it means.”

“Sort of the inverse of the golden rule. People tend to treat others the way they’ve been treated.”

“So I hurt Alan because I’ve been...”

My words dry up as the profoundness of it sinks in.

“It might not be that, though.” She tries to amend her suggestion to ease my pain. “It could be something else motivating you. Perhaps you were scared. It might have been a defense mechanism. Or a hundred other things.”

Scared. Fear.

Alan’s said it so many times.

And he’s right.

I’m scared of committing to him because if I lose him, it’ll hurt even more. Once everyone knew about us, I couldn’t pretend it away. I could no longer hide from the truth. Everyone else knowing makes it so much more real.

Plus, the wholemaybe-he’ll-change-once-we’re-officialfear that plagues me. Along with the worry of losing myself to a man. Again.

More fear.

“Mom, let’s change the subject. Eventually, you’ll figure out why you hid the relationship. Tell me then. Or call Jaynie, and she’ll help you deal with it. Looks like you’ve got some guilt. Better let that shit out before you have to get a sledgehammer.”

With the hand not holding mine, she wipes the tears from my cheek.

So sweet. She’s gonna be a great mother.

“Your reasoning doesn’t matter so much now. The secret is out.”

Why I kept the secret might not matter as much, but Alan and I still need to address where this leaves us.

I’m stuck with a gut-punch memory from last night. Right before everything went to hell in a handbasket, I decided I was ready to reveal our relationship to others.

I sure hope he believes me when I tell him.

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