Page 5 of Dream with Me

“Mama? You got boo-boo?” The sleepy voice of my baby boy gets my attention.

I kiss Chase’s forehead and fight back the tears.

“Just a little boo-boo, baby. Mama’s okay.”

CHAPTER3

TROY

I’m about to leave the station after thirty-six hours of work and being away from my family when my phone dings to alert me of an incoming text message. I glance down, hoping it’s not Shannon upset that I’m not home yet.

Jack: Hey brother, a couple of us are meeting up at O’Riley’s for a beer tonight. Any chance you can get away from my ball-and-chain sister (kidding if you’re reading this, Shannon) and join us?

Me: Sorry, I’m just getting off after an extra twelve hours. I need to get home to help Shannon. Maybe a rain check?

As I climb into my truck, I take notice of what a gorgeous summer evening it is, and I frown, wishing I had been home today to have the time with my wife and kids. I wanted nothing more than to go home this morning, see my wife, and spend some time with my little bundle of energy, Chase. But when the opportunity for overtime came after Shannon told me about the four-hundred-dollar bill for Olivia’s dance recital costumes last night, I knew this was the right thing to do. The need to take care of my family is always first and foremost on my mind.

As I shift my truck into park in my garage, I realize I don’t even remember driving home. I don’t know if my mind is preoccupied with everything there is to do to keep our life running or if I’m super tired. Either way, it freaks me out a little bit when I get home, and I don’t recall any of the drive. It happens more than I’m comfortable with.

It’s already eight-thirty p.m., and the house is quiet when I walk in. Shannon must’ve had a fairly easy time getting the kids in bed. Sometimes Chase doesn’t go down easily for her, and I know it frustrates the heck out of her that some nights I’m the only person that can calm him.

My wife is an amazing mom, and she doesn’t give herself enough credit. I’m not entirely sure when it started, but I know it was sometime after Chase was born—she’s always down on herself and seems so easily upset. I hate that I don’t know how to help her. I try to take the stress off by making sure she and the kids have what they need. Growing up with food insecurity and not having money for the extras isnotsomething I want my family to experience. I’ve been there, and I’ll do whatever I have to, so they never are.

After kicking off my shoes, I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and take a sip, soothing my dry throat. I walk around the house in search of my wife. When I find her sitting at the dining room table, papers and a few legal pads scattered around, I watch her since she doesn’t see me yet. She’s looking at her laptop intently like it holds the answers to all the world’s questions. Wouldn’t that be nice? God, she’s so beautiful, and seeing her like this reminds me of what she was like when she tutored me in high school.

I’ll never forget walking into the library to meet my tutor for the first time and seeing this woman. She had on studious-looking glasses, her thick, brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and dressed in sweatpants and an Elladine Fire T-shirt. I hadn’t even met her, and a twinge of jealousy ran through me, wondering if she had an older boyfriend who was a firefighter. If I had thought about it, I’d have realized she wasn’t even sixteen, so an older boyfriend was unlikely. But, hey, she’s always been the smart one, not me. Luckily, I found out later that the T-shirt was courtesy of her dad, who spent his career working for the Elladine Fire Department.

Despite that she was dressed as casually as she could be, I had never seen anyone more beautiful than she looked that day. In high school, there were multiple different types of girls. Being the quarterback of the football team, I usually attracted the attention of the ones that were hyper-focused on their looks and often downplayed their intelligence. They probably did it for some stupid reason, like thinking it made them more attractive to the jocks.

Then there were the girls like Shannon Donley. It was clear back then that she was confident in who she was—not bitchy or snobby, just confident. Shannon had a reputation around school for being brilliant. She was the girl that skipped a grade and was only fifteen for most of our junior year of high school. I, on the other hand, got held back in second grade and was going to turn eighteen near the end of my junior year. So, it made it even more awkward that here I was, needing to be tutored by this girl who should’ve been two grades below me and was two years younger. Regardless, as soon as I saw her, I was into her.

She still hasn’t noticed me, and as I’m looking at her now, she’s even more gorgeous than she was then. She talks about needing to lose weight and that she thinks her hair is too frizzy when all I see is the same sexy woman I always have. She even complains she’s getting wrinkles now and points out little lines around her eyes and mouth. I honestly wouldn’t have noticed them if she hadn’t pointed them out, but I love them. Those are wrinkle lines from smiling and laughing with our family, and they add to her beauty. Jesus, there’s nothing like when this woman smiles. I wish she did it more.

I’m lost in my thoughts, staring at her, when she looks up and clears her throat. It brings me back into the moment.

“Hey, everything go okay tonight?”

“Tonight? Tonight was fine. Ask me about the last thirty-six hours.” There’s sarcasm dripping in her voice that she doesn’t normally carry, and I suspect she’s frustrated she had to do everything while I worked.

“Yeah, I know you’ve been doing a ton for the last day and a half. I wish I had been here to help you. Is there anything I can do for you right now?” I gesture toward the pile of papers surrounding her.

“No. It’s my work. I wasn’t able to get it done today because you weren’t here to take care of Chase.”

Her tone is accusing, and I don’t say anything at first. I can’t. I learned a long time ago this was the best way to handle these stressful conversations. Thoughts fly into my head so fast sometimes, and I need to take time to stop and think about what I say. Otherwise, I might say the wrong thing or escalate her obvious irritation.

“Oh, you have nothing to say? I missed stuff because you weren’t here today, Troy. I had plans with my sister this morning. I needed to get my work done during the day so I could get to bed at a decent hour tonight. I wanted to take a shower without having my toddler in the bathroom with me.”

I rub my eyes with my thumb and index finger, applying a little pressure to help relieve the tension filling me. I’m not entirely sure what I did wrong here. I can’t be in two places at once. But I did forget that she had plans with Shyley today. Fuck.

“You told me about Livvy’s costume fees, so when the opportunity for overtime came up, I took it.”

“I also told you during that same conversation I had plans with my sister and that it had been a hard day, especially with Chase going wild at the soccer game and me chasing him across the field. You didn’t hear that part of the conversation? You only heard that we need money? I told you we do fine with your regular salary and my bookkeeping work.”

“I don’t want you to have to do the bookkeeping work. You’re doing a lot around here. I’m supposed to take care of my family. It’s my job.”

Her eyes narrow at me, and I can tell that I said something wrong, but I don’t know what.

“So, what you’re saying is that my job is to keep everything running around here on my own? Do you think I don’t want to work, Troy? I need to be able to stretch my brain, too. I enjoy what I’m doing. If you’re expecting me to give up bookkeeping?—”

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