Page 3 of Dream with Me

Not that I’m complaining about this morning. It’s been a great morning so far. But Troy doesn’t know that. As far as Troy knows, I’m likely having a frazzled morning and dying for the handoff after twenty-four hours of feeling like a single parent. That’s why I’m annoyed. He clearly isn’t thinking about me if he’s lingering at the station after his shift.

As I lean back against the couch, Chase rests on my lap, looking through his favorite picture book. I love mornings like this. On these mornings, when he wants to be held, it’s only me he wants. It’s the one redeeming thing that helps me remember he doesn’t hate me even though it feels like it on days he wants everyonebutme. I kiss the top of his head, holding my lips there for a moment, savoring this.

Still, I’m looking forward to getting out of the house this morning and checking out the hot yoga class Shyley suggested we go to, followed by a much-needed sister brunch at Pat’s Diner.

After grabbing my phone from the floor next to me, I type out a text to Troy.

Me: Where are you?

Minutes pass before I get a response.

Troy: At work.

Me: I figured that much. WHY are you still at work?

My phone rings, and Troy’s name scrolls across the screen. I swipe to answer it and lift it to my ear.

“Hello?” I fail to hide the frustration in my voice.

“Hey, babe. I’m so sorry I didn’t call this morning to update you. We got a run right as the shift was ending, and we just got back to the station.” Troy’s tone is apologetic.

“Well, can you get home, please? I have my yoga, and brunch with Shyley this morning and I’m gonna be late.”

Silence.

“Troy?”

“Shit. I’m so sorry. I forgot about that, so when Daniels called off?—”

“Please tell me you did not pick up hours today. Ijusttold you about this last night, and it’s important to me.”

“Damnit. I’m sorry. I did forget. All I was thinking when Captain offered up the extra twelve hours today was we could use the money. You told me on the phone last night about the letter sent home from Olivia’s dance teacher yesterday, and I was thinking this overtime could help cover the four hundred dollars for dance recital costumes.”

I’m grateful he’s putting Olivia’s needs first, but my irritation boils over, and hot tears start to run down my cheeks. Chase begins to wiggle in my arms, a clear sign that our snuggly time is coming to an end. I’m sure he can sense the tension in my body stemming from this conversation, and it’s affecting his vibe.

I sniffle.

“Shan? You still there? I’m sorry…”

I suck in deep breaths, knowing if I try to speak immediately, he’ll definitely know I’m crying.

Troy’s voice is strained when he says, “I can make some calls and see if someone else?—”

“No. It’s fine. I gotta go.” My voice shakes.

Troy sighs and I can picture him holding the nape of his neck, something he does when he’s stressed. I know because I pay attention to him. I see him. I wish I could say he did the same with me.

“I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

“Bye, hon. I love?—”

I don’t hear the rest of his sentence because I hang up before he can finish.

Chase is starting to get antsy, so I reach over, grab the television remote, and put on a cartoon for him. I usually try to avoid adding to my kids’ screen time for the day, but right now, I need a couple of minutes. He immediately settles down, and I kiss him on his sweet head, set him on the floor, and then rise to my feet. He’s mesmerized by the characters on the screen and doesn’t even notice when I step away into the attached dining room to text my sister and cancel.

Me: Hey, I’m gonna have to take a raincheck on today. Sorry.

Within seconds, my phone dings with her incoming text.

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