Page 28 of Dream with Me

Shit. How did I forget Chase’s medicine when I packed his overnight bag to go to Troy’s? It’s not like he only has one dose left, either. There are still four days of his ear infection treatment remaining.

I close the refrigerator and pull out my phone to text Troy.

Me: I’m so sorry, but I forgot to pack Chase’s antibiotic. Is it okay to bring it over? I usually give his last dose by around 7:30.

I wait ten minutes, but when I don’t get a response, I decide I’ll head over. I don’t want to risk Chase falling asleep early and then having to wake him to get his medicine.

Ten minutes later, I’m standing on the small porch of areallysmall house, one I never noticed at the end when I’ve driven on this street despite how long we’ve lived here. I guess I never had a reason to go down this far, but judging by its size, I imagine it’s barely large enough for Troy to live in.

I don’t knock right away as my children’s laughter is heard even through this weather-beaten door. I smile, reassured that even though this has been so hard for our kids, they can still find joy.

When I finally knock, the laughter dies down slightly, and a minute later, the door opens. Troy stands there, his hair tousled, I would guess from roughhousing with the kids. His eyes widen with surprise at me standing there.

“Shannon? What are you doing here? Is everything okay? I thought you were the pizza guy.”

I hold up the bottle of medicine that I’ve been gripping in my hand, and understanding dawns across Troy’s face.

“Crap, I’m so sorry. I should’ve asked for that when I picked the kids up. I totally forgot.” Troy grips the back of his neck with one hand and rubs his hair with the other. I watch as he looks back into the house and then turns back to me. “Do you wanna come in and say hi to the kids? The place isn’t much, though.”

I only hesitate for a second because, of course, I want to see the kids. Plus, I was bored at home, and the laughter and happiness filling the air around us is intoxicating. It’s clearly more exciting here than at my house with no one to talk to but the dog and only dirty laundry to keep me company.

“Sure. If you don’t mind, it would be nice to see where the kids stay when they’re not with me.”

Troy glances over his shoulder, his eyes darting around, then runs a hand through his hair, and his shoulders visibly sag.

“Okay. But it’s small.”

Troy steps back and gestures for me to enter his home, and though it’s definitely not spacious, it’s clean and warm. There’s a very small kitchen as soon as I go in, and it’s only a few more steps into the living room, which also doubles as a dining room, judging by the small round table.

It takes a second for the kids to notice me, and I smile as I take in the scene before me. All four of our children are tangled up playing Twister on the living room floor. I suspect he’s not playing the game, but Chase is even in there, wedging himself into the small spaces between his siblings.

It’s Chase who spots me first. “Mama!” He untangles himself from his siblings like a little bulldozer, causing the other kids to collapse into a pile of giggling bodies. Chase runs over to me and grabs my legs, hugging them. Joy fills my heart, and I squat slightly and pick him up, snuggling him to my body.

One by one, the other kids come over and give me hugs and kisses. Oliver watches quietly while Chelsea bounces up and down, and Olivia smiles at me. “Hey, Mom, what are you doing here?”

“I forgot to send Chasey’s ear infection medicine with Dad, so I had to drop it off. Give me kisses again, and I’ll head out and let you guys get back to your fun with your dad.”

Chelsea stops bouncing and frowns at me. “You’re not staying for pizza and Twister with us, Mom? Come on, it’ll be fun. Daddy was playing, too.”

“He’s super clumsy,” Olivia says, accompanied by a laugh.

“Hey! I object to that. I’m very graceful,” Troy says. He chuckles, and I like the sound.

“Please, Mommy,” Chelsea begs.

I glance over at Troy, who shrugs and gives me a slight nod. If this had been a few weeks ago, I never would have considered staying. But I realize I want to stay. I want to be a part of the fun they’re having.

“Sure, that sounds fun. Though I warn you, I grew up with two brothers and two sisters, and I was the Twister queen.”

Over the next two hours, I have fun and laugh more than I have in many months, maybe even longer. Even though Troy doesn’t have a big kitchen table for us to sit around like at home, it doesn’t matter. We sit on the slightly lumpy couch and the floor, spread around his living room, eating our pizza. My heart is content right now.

I can’t help but sneak some peeks at Troy throughout the evening. I mean, it’s hard to avoid because the space is so tiny, but also because I forgot how much I loved watching him be a dad to our kids. In my depression, it had become hard to appreciate even the small things like that.

When I listen to the women at work complain about their husbands—or ex-husbands—and their lack of engagement and involvement in their children’s lives, I can’t relate. I’ve only ever had great examples. My father was a wonderful dad to us five kids, and my brothers and brothers-in-law are great dads, too. But Troy has always been extraordinary with the kids. Don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely not perfect with them, and sometimes clothes are mismatched, or he forgets to do something for them that I ask, but it’s never anything big or life-altering. I’m confident he’s helping raise my sons to be good men and my daughters to recognize a good man. What’s that saying? Something like a boy grows up to be like his father, and a girl grows up to marry him. That’s true. I lucked out in the dad department for my kids, and I suspect it’s because I knew how to recognize a good man.

An ache fills my chest as I wonder what happened to us. How did we end up here? I fell in love with this man at fifteen years old. I don’t know when I felloutof love with him. I thought we were each other’s forever, that we would grow old, loving our life together.

When it’s time to get the kids ready for bed, Troy seems less relaxed than he has all evening. He leaves for a moment and returns with Chase’s little toothbrush with some toothpaste on it, sending the older three kids to the bathroom to brush their teeth. He lifts Chase onto the kitchen counter, gives him his nighttime medicine, and then helps Chase brush his teeth using the kitchen sink.

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