Page 12 of Dream with Me

TROY

“Great,” I mutter as I look for something to eat in the fridge. It’s pretty bare, and I meant to go grocery shopping during the day today since I get the kids tomorrow. Instead, I stayed after work when the captain was looking for volunteers. What does it matter? I don’t have the kids today. So, if I can’t be with my family, I might as well work. Plus, the overtime will help cover Oliver’s impending braces. Shannon texted me last evening to let me know he had a dentist appointment yesterday, and the dentist prepared her that braces were in his future this year.

This is how I communicate with my wife now—via text. For over a decade, whenever I was on shift, I’d call once after school to speak to each kid, and then I’d call Shannon around nine p.m. every night to stay connected. She knew if I didn’t call, then it meant I was out on a medical or fire call and would get a hold of her as soon as I could.

That all changed several months ago after Shannon told me she wanted a divorce. She stopped answering my calls and only sent text responses that everything was fine. I kept calling, though. Every night. Every night until she told me to stop... thirteen days ago. Thirteen days, yet the conversation is fresh in my memory.

As the phone rings,my throat tightens. I had gone back and forth in my head for fifteen minutes about whether I should call Shannon tonight. Tonight, things are different. We stood in a courtroom yesterday and almost got divorced. I’m not foolish enough to believe the delay the judge ordered will change anything—Shannon’s made it clear it’s too late for that—but I’m relieved nonetheless that it’s not officially over. We’re not officially over.

Still, I haven’t missed making this call for even one night in almost fifteen years with the fire department, and I can’t bring myself to start tonight. Besides, she won’t answer, so I’ll leave a?—

“Hello.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Shan? Is that you?”

“Who else would be answering my phone, Troy? Of course, it’s me.” There’s no sarcasm in her voice, just exhaustion.

“Yeah, I know that. Sorry, I’m surprised you answered.” My heart beats erratically against my rib cage like it’s trying to escape my chest. “H-how was the day today?”

There’s silence on the other end for several moments, followed by a deep sigh.

“Troy, what are you doing?”

“I’m checking in. Like I always do.”

“You spoke with the kids earlier. But we’re not together anymore, and this call was always about us. There’s no us, now.”

My mind races for a reason to convince her we still should talk when I’m at work. “I… It’s also so you could update me on the kids.”

“I can text you for that. I’ll call if it’s an emergency, but I’ll text you everything else.”

I’m the one silent now. My tongue is thick and unable to work. I take a few breaths before I can force myself to respond. “Shan, can we talk a?—”

“Please stop calling. We’re not married anymore.”

“Yes, we are,” I shoot back at her, having no problem finding my voice now.

“On paper only. Stop calling. Please.”

That’s it. She says nothing else.

I can tell she’s hung up, but I can’t bring myself to remove the phone from my ear right away. It’s too final. The last call.

“In my heart, too. We’re still married in my heart,” I whisper into the phone. It doesn’t matter that no one is on the other end to hear it.

I don’t know how much time passes while I’ve been sitting here, holding my phone to my ear, when the fire station radio goes off, alerting me to an emergency call. It pulls me from my daze. I close my phone, place it in my pocket, and then make my way to the garage to join Lincoln, one of my brothers-in-law and my friend, on the squad.

I realize I’m still standing there, staring into the nearly empty refrigerator. I shake my head a few times, hoping it will reset my thoughts. I grab an apple from the refrigerator and then close the door. After I scoop a few spoonfuls of peanut butter onto a plate, I cut up the apple.

When a loud banging on my door startles me, I nick my finger with the knife. I grab a paper towel and wrap my finger before heading to the door.

“Who is at my door at eight p.m. without calling first?” I mutter. I get my answer pretty quickly.

“C’mon, Troy. Open up. We’re not leaving,” a deep voice booms through the thin faux wood of the door.

I’d know that voice anywhere. Ben, along with his twin, Jack, has been one of my best friends since shortly after I started dating Shannon all those years ago. Once we got past that initial “hurt my sister and die” vibe they tried to give off, that is.

Still confused as to why he’s here, I make it to the door and pull it open. I’m stunned to see not only Ben but Jack as well as my other brothers-in-law—at least for now—Lincoln and Finn. I’ve known Lincoln for years since we both work on B shift at Station One. Finn, I only met a few years back when he and Shayna, one of Shannon’s sisters, got together.

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