Page 33 of Dream with Me

“Thank you.” My voice is thick, and I force myself to swallow past the lump in my throat. “We’ll do whatever we have to.”

“There is one more thing.” Dr. Linden looks back and forth between Shannon and me. “I know you two are working off a temporary custody agreement, but Oliver would benefit from some one-on-one time with you, Troy. He referred to the special time you and he apparently had regularly but don’t anymore. He said it has a special name, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. He said it was a secret between you and him, and no girls could know.” She smiles kindly. “He’s desperately missing it. He thinks?—”

“Man Tool School.” I’m so quiet I’m sure they missed it. I’m looking at the floor now, so when they don’t respond, I lift my gaze to Shannon first, then Dr. Linden. “It’s called ‘Man Tool School.’ He wanted it to have a special name like I had for my time with the girls—Dinners with Dad—very unoriginal, I know. We spent the time in my workshop... my old workshop, and we tinkered with tools. I teach him something. Then we practice, and we talk. So, we named it ‘Man Tool School.’ I... I didn’t know it meant so much to him.”

“It definitely does. If you two could work out an hour or two a week where Troy could have extra time with Oliver, it would help. It would go far to show him you’re not upset with him, and it’s not his fault you’re gone.”

I whip my head up to look at her, panic clawing at my chest.

“What?”

I can feel Shannon staring at me, but I keep my focus on Dr. Linden.

“Oliver gave me the impression he thinks this,”—she pauses and gestures to Shannon and me—“was somehow his fault. He doesn’t understand the complexities of relationships ending at his age and perceives it as you leaving, Troy. Since you haven’t been able to have your one-on-one time with him, he’s connected that to you leaving and translated it into meaning it’s his fault you left.”

I can’t speak. My ears are ringing. I can hear Shannon and Dr. Linden’s voices, but so many thoughts and feelings are flying at me at once that I can’t understand their words. I can’t function. All I can do is think aboutmydad leaving and knowing it was because of me. I think about how that made me feel and hate that my boy feels even an inkling of that.

“I’ve gotta go.” I don’t wait for a response before I bolt from my seat, and the next thing I know, I’m outside, sucking in the cool, early evening fall air.

As I get to my car, I realize my hands and entire body tremble, and I’m probably not okay to drive yet. I need a minute to calm my brain. I don’t want people leaving the counselor’s office to witness my current state, so I walk to the passenger side of my car and drop to the ground. It provides me a shield from anyone coming out.

I lean my head back against the cool metal of the car door, close my eyes, and try to focus on my breathing. After four breaths, I open my eyes and focus on a point in the distance, keeping my breathing exercise going. It takes several minutes of doing this until I’m finally able to quiet my mind some. I’m trying to put into practice some of the techniques I’ve been working on with Marissa in my counseling, so I keep going.

I feel Shannon before she speaks... before she plops herself on the ground next to me as if she isn’t still in her work clothes.

“You okay?” Shannon’s voice is gentle, pained even. When I don’t answer right away, she continues. “I-I never meant for it to seem like you left. I’m sorry. I didn’t see that coming.”

I turn to look at her, and even though she’s frowning and a solitary tear rolls down her cheek, she’s still so achingly beautiful. I can’t stop myself, and I wipe the tear from her cheek with the pad of my thumb. Even that slight touch makes me long for more. I miss her so fucking much.

“It’s nothing you did, Shannon. Fuck though, it hurt hearing what he’s going through.”

I turn to face forward again, and we sit in silence for at least a solid minute.

“Your reaction, though understandable, was intense. It makes me wonder if there’s more to it. If you maybe want to talk about it.”

My first instinct is to clam up. But I think about my last session with Marissa when she asked me what I would do differently if I could go back in time. I instantly told her that I wouldn’t have kept secrets from Shannon. I would have let her see the pain in my heart from when my dad left and how that shaped the way I communicated as I got older. Even though it won’t fix what’s happened between us, Iwantto let her see that piece of me now.

When I turn my head to look at her, she’s also resting her head against the car and looking toward me. Our faces are only about six inches apart. We stare at each other, holding eye contact.

“I reacted so strongly because I know what it feels like to be a boy around Owlie’s age and have your dad leave because of you. To have it shape who you become. My dad left because of me?—”

“Troy, you were a boy. It wasn’t?—”

“No, wait, it’s okay. He did leave because of things about me, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized it was a him-issue, not a me-issue. I was the child. Dads should be strong enough to love their kids through challenges. But knowing how that feels when you’re the kid and don’t understand it, I hate that Oliver thinks it’s about him for even a second.”

Shannon’s quiet at first, and her eyes fill with moisture. Damnit, I’m not trying to make her sad.

When she finally speaks, she says the last thing I expect.

“My parents aren’t bringing the kids home until eight. I was thinking, would you... would you want to get off this cold ground and maybe meet me for a drink?”

CHAPTER20

SHANNON

My hands hug the coffee mug, allowing its heat to warm them up. It’s like the October weather decided to screw with us by going from 63° recently down to 45° and rainy today. I’m meeting Tillie for dinner since Troy has the kids. I never did get to fill her in on what was happening in the conference room with Will before I was rescued by the fire alarm.

I intentionally got here a little early. I was going stir-crazy at home alone. I’m getting to that point where I’m recognizing everything I study as something I’ve already learned. I’d say it’s a good sign and maybe it means I’m prepared for my upcoming test.

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