The complaints just kept on coming. Especially when I told her I wanted to take over the bills and stuff. It must be too much work for you, baby. Why don’t you just let me take care of it so you can get a little more rest?
She wasn’t happy though. She was hurt, she was pissed. She was anything but happy.You don’t trust me. I’ve done it for years and you must think I didn’t do a good job.
Blah, blah, blah. It just kept on and on until I was so damned confused that I really thought I was the bastard in ourrelationship. I was the reason she was unhappy all the time and if I just changed almost everything about myself she’d be happy.
I even brought up that I’d really like to start a family. My heart lurches when I think about that conversation. It was bad. I remember when we were in high school. We talked about having kids and both of us wanted a big family. I assumed that we just needed time to build up our nest egg and then we would start trying. I knew she was on birth control but I assumed at some point we’d decide it was the right time.
Instead she told me that she wasn’t interested in having a baby. That hurt. It was like the death of a dream. The family that I longed for my whole life and it just wasn’t going to happen.
But I still had my wife, the love of my life. For a few more years, we made it work. Even though I hated my job and she just seemed happier when I wasn’t around, I just couldn’t give her up. Couldn’t admit that something changed and it wasn’t me.
It all came to a head when I came back from work early and found her in bed with my co-worker. The man who took over my route. Turns out that wasn’t all he took over and it explained why we hadn’t been having sex for at least a year and before that it was barely once a month.
I crashed out of the house. After I punched his ass right in his fucking lying, cheating face. I shoot back the rest of the bottle and open another one, throwing back another big swallow and grunting out a belch.
After that, I went back on the road. On my old route since she had him move in with her. To our home. While I ended up staying in hotels when I was back in town. Meeting with the lawyer after I found out that our savings was gone. She’d been systematically withdrawing it a little at a time until I left when she barely left enough for me to get a burger.
My eyes close and the dagger that breached my heart all those years ago turns once again. The embarrassment of havingto call my boss and tell him I couldn’t even fill up the damn truck. He helped me make the arrangements to open an account and he loaned me enough money to make it until payday and never asked for it back. He was a good guy. He didn’t even bother me about it when I quit the day my divorce was finalized.
I headed right for the wilderness, needing to heal somewhere far from them and everyone else. I needed peace and quiet. Even driving my truck and listening to the gears changing, the way the diesel roared into the night. It used to soothe me.
After that, it was just nails on a chalkboard. I cringed every time I hit the road. Hated every second of it. My home base in the beat-up old trailer that I moved into on the edge of town was just a place to stay when I was in town. That’s all it meant to me. I didn’t even own it. Just rented the piece of shit because I didn’t care where I put my hungover head every night.
So I took my old, beat up heart out here and found a little cabin that didn’t cost me a lot because it needed a lot of work. Work that soothed all the aches and pains in my battered heart until I was finally able to get more than a couple of hours sleep a night. Until I could dream about something else other than walking in on his ass in my face, his dick in the woman that meant the world to me.
I drop my head into my hands, the beer cold on my temple, a single tear dripping down my cheek. I can still hear her voice, still dream about the kids that we’ll never have, their high little voices and the sweet sound of their laughter.
But I’ll be damned if I hand another woman my heart to trounce on and stick a fucking shiv into.
All that’s ahead of me now is the wind whistling through the trees and the loneliness of the woods around me.
I lean back in my chair and sigh, pushing all the pain to the side, yet again. I’m done with all of that.
Done with everything but my woods and my home. Everything else can go to hell.
CHAPTER 3
Lizzie
Istretch my arms over my head, smiling into the morning sunshine. Sitting up, I stare around the room, still amazed that I’m actually here, actually doing my very first travel blog from Canada. Or at least my first on-site one.
Standing, I pad across the room, holding the sheer curtains open, startled once again by the beauty. I’ve lived my whole life in cities. Chicago was my last home before Florida and this is nothing like Chicago. All big mountains, clear skies, puffy clouds and trees as far as the eyes can see.
“Beauty,” I whisper, smiling gently. I’m picking little bits of slang up here and there and that one always sticks in my head when I see how lovely it is here. I almost wish I didn’t have to go home.
I’ve got five more days of my week’s vacation and I’m still deciding if I can afford to extend my time. There’s just so much to see here and all of it makes my fingers itch to write it all down. I’m not even sure how I’m gonna keep it short enough for a blog. I could write a book about how much I love this place.
My phone rings and I pick it up, grimacing when I see my sister’s number. She moved to Wildwood, Colorado awhile agoand seems to love it. She’s been trying to talk me into moving out there, leaving the city behind me.
“Hello, sis. How’s it going with your new job?”
“You know. My boss is a difficult man but we’ve come to a kind of truce. I stay out of his way and he doesn’t bite my head off.” I can hear the heat in her voice and I chuckle.
“Why doesn’t it sound like this truce is going to last long? You know, you could just find another job.”
“Nope.” I can almost hear her head shaking. “I don’t have to like him to love the company. Although I think they could be doing a lot more to help the planet than they are.”
“Then tell him that.”