Page 13 of Canadian Wild: Love

I bow my head under the pain of it.

She pushes back against the headboard. Her eyes still won’t meet mine but I see the sparkle of tears and it’s a void of hurt between us that feels inconsolable.

“I can’t have kids, Emile. I’m broken. We-we tried right before he started sleeping with her. He said that this was why he slept with her. He wanted a real woman.”

Those words hurt me so much that it’s like a dagger right through the heart. And what they must have done to her?

“That rat bastard,” I growl, anger ripping into me until I can barely control the urge to hunt his sorry ass down and beat it until he finally feels the pain he foisted on this sweet, soft woman. And I know he did it on purpose.

“Baby, he was a chickenshit and he used that excuse to make up for his own shortcomings. He didn’t want to admit he was a cheating dick so he put it all on you. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t true. You didn’t deserve what he did to you and you never did. And if you don’t have what you need to make a baby? So what? That doesn’t make you less of a woman. That makes you a woman who needs her man to love her and hold her, tell her she’s beautiful and he doesn’t need those things. That’s what he should have said.”

Her eyes lift to mine and I ache at the pain and hope there. Pain and hope that I don’t deserve. I’m no prince. I’m no happily ever after.

I sigh and crawl up onto the bed next to her and cover up with the quilt, drawing her soft curves into me, fighting that bittersweet need to hold onto her and keep her for myself. She deserves more than I have left in me.

I look up at the ceiling and growl, “I was married. A long time ago. She fucked me over but good. She convinced me to quit my job so her boyfriend could get it. Then she fucked him on the side until they saved up almost enough money. Then I found them in bed together when I came home early. I hit the road again as atruck driver and got to my first stop, trying to get gas but she had cleaned out our account, leaving me stuck there and having to call and beg my boss for help.

Her eyes fly up to mine, sparkling with tears, one crystal slithering down her pale cheek. “Oh, Emile. I’m so sorry.”

I shrug. “It was a long time ago. It’s over now. But the thing is, I don’t have much left in me to give.”

She pales and draws into herself, wrapping her arms around herself. Her perfect lips open and then I hear a truck driving up. I put my head back and blow out a breath. “That’s George. I let him know that I found you and the road must have cleared enough for him to make it up here.”

She nods her head, her eyes far away. “Right. I guess I’ll get ready.”

I pat her shoulder and smile but it’s more like a grimace. “I’ll tell him to give you a minute. You take your time.”

She nods over to where the dog is chewing on the rag rug on the floor. “What are you going to do about him?”

“I’ll find someone for him. Don’t worry about him. You be safe, Lizzie. I-I…it was nice meeting you.”

She flinches and pulls away. I want to say so much more to her. Like that I think I love her. I think I can’t live without her. The things I feel for her are nothing like I felt for my ex. They’re so much more.

But I keep my mouth shut because I know she can do better. I know there’s a man out there that will love her like she needs and deserves.

She doesn’t say anything and I pull my jeans and shirt on, slipping the leash on the dog and dragging him back outside where he prances around like a damn show pony.

George’s eyes widen. “When did you get a dog?”

“It’s not mine. I found it when I was looking for her.”

“You want me to take it back with me and I’ll try and find it a home?”

I pull the leash back when he tries to grab it. “No. I’ve got him.”

He grins in relief when he sees Lizzie walk out the door, pale and strained but yet composed somehow. She’s such a damn strong woman. She’s gone through so much and made it to the other side.

I shift uneasily. I took advantage of her. I shouldn’t have touched her. Shouldn’t have made love to her. Yet I don’t regret it.

She looks at me and tries to smile but it’s a faint effort at best. Nothing like her usual beaming smile.

“Thank you for finding me, Emile.”

I nod my head. “It was nothing, ma’am.” She flinches again and I feel like the worst bastard on the planet. But I want her happy and she needs to go home to be happy. Needs to find a man who’s not half a man. Who’s worth the love that I see in her. The happiness and joy that I know she can give a man just by being his.

Coldness washes over me as I watch her climb into the SUV, George’s hand clasping hers to help her into the seat and help her get buckled.

She nods at him when he climbs inside and says something to her. She looks out the window and refuses to look at me and it feels like every bit of my bruised and dented heart is breaking into pieces and falling at her feet.

---