Page 110 of Redeeming Harmony

She nodded. “I’d like that. Anyway, even though Mom was so… so mean to him, he never complained, never said a single bad word about her to me. He let me vent and rage about her, but he never participated. He said she was complicated, but she loved us both, and we had to try to remember that.”

She snuggled even closer to Nathan. “I got it in my head that if it hadn’t been for me, he would have left her. That, because of me, he was wasting years of his life with a mentally unstable woman who refused to get treatment. So, I tried to tell him that he didn’t need to stay for me. That he didn’t need to suck it up in this toxic relationship because he thought it was the right thing to do for me.”

“What did he say?” Nathan asked.

“It’s the first and only time he’s ever gotten angry with me. He’d been annoyed with me, irritated by me, but never angry. Until that night.” Her stomach clenched, and she wanted to barf just remembering it. “He didn’t yell at me. In a way, I wish he had. It would have been easier to take. Instead, he just gave me this… this look, like he had never been more disappointed in me, and said that he loved Mom and he wasn’t the type of man to stay with a woman for a reason other than love. He said I needed to take my thirteen-year-old self up to my room and think long and hard about speaking on things I knew nothing about.”

Her stomach really ached now, and her face was hot, and a headache was building behind her right eye. “My mom was selfish and mean and treated my dad like dirt for most of their marriage. I asked Savina once why my dad even married her. She said that Mom wasn’t like that in the beginning. She was funny and friendly, and while not dripping with kindness or anything, she treated my dad well. It wasn’t until…”

“Until what?”

“Until after I was born that she changed. Savina says she went through postpartum depression that she refused treatment for. Sometimes I look at pictures of my dad and my mom before I was born, and she looks so different. She looks… happy. I changed that. I turned her into this terrible person who couldn’t find joy anymore, and nothing I said or did could appease her.”

“Harper,” Nathan’s hand cupped her chin and tugged until she looked up at him, “this is not your fault, honey. Your mother needed medical help that she refused to get. That isn’t on you.”

She shrugged. “If I’d never been born, she would have stayed happy.”

“You don’t know that,” Nathan said. “There’s no guarantee that she wouldn’t have suffered from depression regardless of whether she had children or not. This isn’t your fault, honey.”

“Savina says she was a lot like me,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?” Nathan said.

“My mom. She and I are…were very similar.” She swallowed the ache in her throat, the back of her eyelids stinging. “Savina said it to be nice. She wanted me to understand that my mom was sick, that she hadn’t always been this way, but hearing that Mom and I were so similar…”

She shuddered and made herself say it. “She made my dad’s life miserable, and I won’t do that to someone too.”

“You’re not your mother, Harper. Sure, there may be some similarities, but that doesn’t mean you would treat a relationship the same way your mother did.”

“Doesn’t it?” she said. “Your first impression of me was what? That I was a spoiled brat, remember?”

He started to argue, and she shook her head. “It’s the truth, and I get why you felt that way. I was acting horribly, being selfish and only thinking of myself. Anyway, it’s why the friends with benefits thing works well for us.”

“So, what? You’re just never going to open yourself up to a relationship?” Nathan said.

“Honestly? Probably not. I had a few relationships when I was younger, but they didn’t work out, mostly because of me. So, I stopped dating, and stopped looking for anything serious or anything beyond sex for the last few years. I thought that maybe now I was ready to be in one. But my actions since coming home made me realize that I’m more like my mother now than I ever was, and I won’t put someone through that.”

“Shouldn’t he get to make that choice?” Nathan asked.

Afraid she was going to burst into tears and never stop if they kept talking, she said, “It’s getting late, and I have a bit of a headache. Do you mind if we go to sleep now?”

He seemed ready to argue before he took a good look at her face. His stubborn expression softened, and he nodded. “Yeah, we could both use some sleep.”

He shut off the bedside light, plunging the room into darkness. Both Katy Purry and Cindy Clawford had joined them on the bed a while ago, and as she curled up on her side and Nathan spooned her, both cats got up and settled between their lower legs. She could feel the vibrations of their purring as they groomed each other, and she took Nathan’s arm and wrapped it tight around her. He kissed the back of her shoulder, and she stared silently into the dark, listening to the rain on the roof and the rhythmic sound of Nathan’s breathing in her ear.

Chapter 25

Nathan walked into the back of the clinic holding the tiny three-pound Yorkie in one hand just as Allie walked out of the cat room with a slim black cat who took one look at the dog in Nathan’s hand and hissed loudly.

“Easy, Snoodles,” Allie said, tightening her hold on the cat. She made a face. “Who names their cat Snoodles? Seriously.”

Nathan laughed. “It’s not the worst name I’ve heard. Hey, do you have time to hold Peanut while I draw blood?”

“Can you give me ten?” Allie said. “I’m just returning Snoodles to her owners, and they wanted to discuss food options for her.”

“I’ll check with Hal,” Nathan said before looking around. “Where is he?”

“I think he’s outside with Savina Ras, trying to get a urine sample from her foster dog. Savina thinks she might have a UTI.”

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