Page 51 of Perfect Harmony

She just shrugged. Her lack of emotion seemedto piss him off even more. “You’re their only kid, Gracie. They should careabout your fucking birthday.”

“They don’t,” she said. “They never have.You know that, Gideon. How many birthdays did I celebrate at your house? If ithadn’t been for your mom, I would have never had a birthday cake. Not one. Ididn’t even know that kids got cake and presents on their birthday until I metKira. I was six years old and the first time I realized that parents threwparties for their kid with presents and cake was at Kira’s seventh birthdayparty.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he growled. “They’regoddamn monsters.”

“They aren’t,” she said. “They’re obsessedwith each other and themselves and that doesn’t leave much room for me.”

“You should be angry.” He raked his handsthrough his hair in obvious frustration.

“I used to be angry all the time. But Irealized I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself. Now I’m usually pretty good,unless I spend time with them.” She smiled ruefully. “It’s a little harder to beZen about it when I’m face-to-face with their selfishness, but I’m working onit.”

“But it’s your birthday,” he repeated.

“I gave up on my parents’ caring about mybirthday when I turned eleven.”

“What happened?”

She hugged herself, hating that the memory stillhad power to hurt her. “The year before that was when the carnival startedcoming to town every summer. Do you remember?”

“I do,” he said. “Mom and Dad took Kira andme to it.”

“I wanted to go to the carnival so bad,”she said. “I could see the Ferris wheel and hear the music from my house. Atnight, I’d sit on my bed and watch the Ferris wheel go around and around. I’dimagine what it was like to ride it. To sit in the metal bucket between my parents,holding their hands while we went around until we were so high we could see allof Harmony Falls.”

She studied the pavement between her feet. “Myparents didn’t take me that first year. Mom was busy with an art show and Dadhad just become manager at the bank and was swamped with work. When we foundout the carnival was coming back the following summer, I asked them to take meto it for my birthday. I’d never asked for a present for my birthday, but Iwanted that one thing. I had it in my head that if my parents took me to thecarnival, then it meant they did love me. That they wanted me after all, and Iwas more than just a body in the house who they had to feed and water.”

She scuffed her shoe along a crack in thesidewalk. “My parents taking me to the carnival meant I was important to them.I would have value in their eyes.”

“Gracie,” Gideon said in a low voice.

She kept her gaze glued to the sidewalk. “Theysaid they would take me. I reminded them every single day from the middle ofJune until the weekend the carnival arrived. They promised me that we would goto the carnival as a family.”

“What happened?” Gideon said.

“I woke up the morning of my birthday andcame downstairs to find Mrs. Wilson sitting at the kitchen table. My parentshad decided on a whim to do a long weekend getaway, just the two of them, andasked Mrs. Wilson to babysit me.”

“Fuck,” Gideon said.

“They’d given Mrs. Wilson some money totake me to the carnival, but I refused to go. I spent my eleventh birthday inmy room listening to the carnival music drifting in through the window and cryingmy eyes out.”

She smiled a little. “I always was a bit ofa drama queen.”

“That’s not being a drama queen,” Gideon said.“Why didn’t you tell my mom? She and Dad would have taken you to the carnival.”

“Because I wanted it to be my parents,” shesaid. “I loved your mom and dad, you know I did, but just once…”

“I get it,” he said.

She risked a glance at him, hating the pityshe saw in his eyes. “Don’t, Gideon. Don’t pity me.”

“I’m not,” he said.

“You are. I don’t need your pity. I’mfine. Maybe I didn’t have great parents, but I turned out okay. I don’t haveany lingering emotional damage and I… I’m fine.”

He didn’t reply and, suddenly exhausted mentallyand physically, she rubbed at the back of her neck. “I have a bit of aheadache. Do you mind if we do some more donation stuff later?”

“Sure,” he said. “Are you coming to the meetingat Wanda’s on Wednesday?”

“Yes,” she said. “See you then?”

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