Page 113 of Perfect Harmony

She chased after him, catching up to him atthe top of the stairs. “Gideon, don’t push me away. Talk to me.”

“I’m not pushing you away.” His tone wasexasperated, his movements angry, as he stalked into his bedroom and grabbed hissleep pants. “I’m just tired and it’s been a long day. I need some sleep and-”

“No, you need to talk about how upsettingit was to you that Kira didn’t need you today.”

His body went rigid, his hand clenchingaround his sleep pants in a tight fist. “I don’t – I’m not upset about that.”

“You are,” she said. “I can see it on yourface, honey. It’s natural, okay? You’ve been taking care of Kira for the lastthree years, and this day in particular she’s always needed your support. Butthis year it’s different because of Connor and -”

“I’m glad she has Connor,” he snapped. “Jesus,Grace, you think I want her to be alone?”

“That’s not what I said.” She kept her voicepatient and low. “But you’ve used Kira’s grief and her need for you to bestrong, to keep your own grief from overwhelming you. And now it’s obvious thatshe doesn’t need you as much and -”

“Stop it,” he said. “I don’t need youanalyzing me or my feelings.”

“I’m not,” she said. “I don’t have to be adamn therapist to see that you’re hurting, Gideon. That because you’re not theperson who Kira leans on most for emotional support now, you feel lost and uncertain.”

He threw his sleep pants on the bed andglared at her. “So, what if I am? Huh? What if now that Kira has made it obviousthat she doesn’t need me to deal with our parents’ deaths, all I can do is sit andthink about how they’re dead? About how much I miss my dad?”

“It’s okay to be sad, honey,” Grace said. “Youdon’t have to always put on a brave face. Especially with me, all right? Iwant to know how you really feel. I want you to trust me with your grief andyour pain. Have you cried since the funeral? Have you even processed the loss?”

“Of course I have! It’s been three years.Obviously, I’ve processed it. Look, I’m tired and it’s been an awful day and Idon’t want to talk about this anymore. Okay?”

She wanted to say okay, wanted to give himpermission to tuck away his sorrow and his pain. But she couldn’t. His griefwas ripping him apart, and she loved him too much to let it destroy him.

“I know this hurts, honey. I know you don’twant to talk about it, but you need to. It’s important. If you don’t want totalk to me about it, I understand, but then make an appointment with atherapist.”

“What’s the point? They’re dead and I’llnever see them again. I’ll never see my dad again, Gracie. I’ll never hearhis laugh as I walk through the door, never hear his stupid goddamn jokes,never watch a baseball game with him. He’s gone. He’s gone and it doesn’tmatter how much I talk about them or share stories, or how much I miss them,they’re never coming back. There’s no point in talking to a therapist.”

“There is. Your grief is eating you upinside, Gideon.”

“It isn’t. I’m fine!” he said.

She walked toward him, cupping his face in bothof her hands before he could walk away from her. She stared up at him, herthroat aching and her chest tight with love and grief for him. “You’re not fine.”

The pain and loss was etched deep into hisface. She rubbed her thumbs along his cheekbones and said, “You’re not fine, honey.”

A low keen escaped his throat and hestarted to cry. She put her arms around his broad shoulders and cupped theback of his head as he buried his face into her throat and clung to her. Ashis big body shook with the sobs, she rocked him back and forth and rubbed hisback, her own tears sliding silently down her face.

* * *

“I’m sorry.” Gideon’s voice was muffledagainst her throat.

She kissed the top of his head and continuedto rub his back. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

At some point, they had shuffled their wayto the bed. Gideon had curled into her, his hot tears wetting her skin as hisbody continued to shake. She’d comforted him silently, rubbing his back and notcomplaining when he held her so tight, she thought her ribs might crack.

Tank had padded into the bedroom, jumpingup behind her and lying down with his head resting on her hip. He’d nudged at Gideon’shand and she’d petted the big dog with her free hand until he settled.

Gideon eased away from her and she sat upand grabbed the box of tissues from the nightstand and handed it to him. “I’llbe right back, all right?”

He nodded and she left the bedroom. She knewhe was embarrassed, knew he needed a few minutes alone, so she took her time inusing the guest bathroom and grabbing them both glasses of water from downstairs.

When she returned to his room, he’d obviouslywashed his face and brushed his teeth before undressing and climbing into bed.She sat on the side of the bed and handed him the glass of water. He drank itall and set the empty glass on the nightstand. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She drank some of herwater and set it beside his empty glass.

“I know I need to talk,” he said. “And I will,I just… I can’t tonight, okay?”

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