Page 148 of Forbidden Harmony

She needed to talk to Preacher.

* * *

“Yo, Nix has left and I’m leaving too. Yougood to lock up?” Nolan said.

Preacher nodded and sprayed his tattoo chairwith disinfectant for the second time. It didn’t need it, but the ritual ofdisinfecting and cleaning was soothing to him.

It also meant giving him a little more timebefore he walked upstairs to his empty apartment. He cursed under his breathas he wiped the seat of the chair. He used to love his fucking crappy little apartment,just like he loved the fucking food at Nan’s. Now both of them held zero appealto him.

He wanted to be at Addison’s apartment,wanted to be sitting on her couch next to her while they ate dinner and talked abouttheir day. He wanted to binge watch stupid TV shows with her and then crawlinto her bed and fall asleep with every part of him touching every part of her.

He sprayed the seat again and wiped it withhard and savage strokes as the bell jingled over the door, signaling Nolan’sexit. It hadn’t even been forty-eight hours since he’d seen her last and he alreadyfelt like he was going crazy. She’d only texted him twice before giving up,and despite knowing that it was for the best, there was a part of him that washurt she hadn’t tried harder. Hurt that she hadn’t –

“Preacher?”

The bottle of disinfectant slipped from hissuddenly nerveless fingers. He left it on the floor as he stood and turned.Addison was standing just a few feet away, looking nervous and uncertain. Hehad to fight against his immediate urge to scoop her up and carry her upstairs.He wanted nothing more than to strip her naked and bury himself in her softbody, to forget that they could never be together again.

“What are you doing here?” he said.

“I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Well I am.” His stomach churning, hesaid, “I’m done giving you lessons.”

She didn’t look surprised. Instead, she said,“Harrison was wrong about why I slept with you. When I confronted him aboutcheating on me with Crystal, he said he wanted a break to experiment with otherwomen who could give him what he needed in bed. He said I was free to sleepwith another man, even though he knew I was satisfied with him.”

She made a bitter little laugh that hurthis heart. “I gave him back his engagement ring and told him goodbye. I thoughthe understood that we were through, but obviously he didn’t. I don’t love him,Preacher. I stopped loving him the moment I found out he was cheating on me.I’m not interested in having any type of relationship with him again. Anyway,I didn’t sleep with you because Harrison gave me some kind ofpermissionto sleep with you. I had no intention of doing anything he told me to do everagain.”

“So, why did you sleep with me?” he said.

“Because I’d been attracted to you for areally long time. Even when I was with Harrison. It made me feel bad and likeI was cheating on him, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted you, Simon. When wekissed that night outside the bar, it was… well, it was incredible. I’d neverfelt so alive and I know that sounds stupid and like a cliché, but it’s true.”

She took a few steps toward him. “When Ihad the chance to sleep with you, I took it because I wanted you. No otherreason. And it’s good between us, isn’t it?”

He looked away. “Yeah.”

“It’s not just the sex either. We’re good together.I have more fun with and enjoy spending time with you more than any other personin my life. And that includes Harper. Don’t ever tell her I said that though.”

She smiled at him and when he didn’t returnit, her smile faltered a little. “I think there could be something morebetween us than just sex. Don’t you?”

He wanted to say yes. More than anything inhis life, he wanted to say yes. Instead, he shook his head and said, “No.”

Hurt flickered across her face before shestraightened her shoulders and stared directly at him. He had to hand it to hislittle Sunshine. When she wanted something, she went after it.

“Is it because of your past? Because I don’tcare about what happened or… or where you’ve been.”

He’d expected this. Had been expecting itsince the minute Harrison told him he knew he was an ex-convict. There was no waythe prick wouldn’t tell Addison. Still, his heart dropped into his stomach,and his mouth went dry, and his stomach clenched like he was anticipating a punchto the gut.

“You know I was in prison,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Then you know why we can’t be together.”

“Your past doesn’t define you, Simon. Justlike my past doesn’t define me. Do you think I’m proud that I was in love withsomeone like Harrison? That I looked past his bigotry, and his cruelty, and hisarrogance? That I convinced myself he was the person I deserved? I’m notproud of that or the way I justified his actions. But it’s my past and the onlything I can do is move forward and try to be better. The way you have.”

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