Page 91 of Regards, Mia

The fantasy of traveling with Jay plays in my head like a romantic reel. Strolling along the stone streets in the floatingcity of Venice, sharing a bottle of Chianti in Tuscany, watching the sun set on the Amalfi Coast over a candlelit dinner. Jay and I would visit everywhere I’d been when I was nineteen.

Only this time, I would be in love.

“We should go,” he says, watching me intently. “My passport is current.”

My mind spins with the possibilities. “We would both have to get time off work,” I say, my heart skipping happily.

“That’s one of the perks of owning the place. I can take time whenever I want.” He leans close, brushing my cheek with a kiss. “I want to take time with you.”

My pulse jumps, and my imagination runs wild. “It will have to wait until after Mattson is put away,” I say, really thinking about it. I can almost taste the rich espresso and smell the salty air.

“Okay,” he says softly, kissing a path to my ear.

My pulse kicks up a notch as his lips brush the sensitive spot below my ear.

“Lunch is served,” says the flight attendant, a smiling young woman who can’t take her eyes off Jay.

We pull down our trays, even though I wouldn’t mind skipping lunch for a little more of what Jay is serving. As I pick at my salad because I’m still full from pancakes at brunch, the reasons we can’t go to Italy start adding up in my mind.

There’s not only time off from work, there’s the money. Who’s paying? I have plenty of money in savings, but what about Jay? We’ve never discussed finances. It could lead to an awkward conversation. What if he’s one of those men who’s threatened by a woman who makes more than him?

But, no, Jay isn’t like that. He wouldn’t care if I made more, and come to think of it, maybe I don’t. He might be killing it at the gym, and private security is a very lucrative profession from what I’ve seen.

And then there is the elephant on the plane. If we go to Italy together, what does that make us? Officially a couple?

And then what? Get married? Have a family?

My blood runs cold. At least half of that is off the table.

Besides, I’m not ready to be a girlfriend. The last thing I want is someone prying into my life, telling me what I can and can’t do, sharing my private space.

But, Jay has been sharing my private space for weeks, and I’ve never minded. And he isn’t the kind of man who’d try to control me. He might pry into my life, but only because he wants to keep me safe, and he loves me.

My heart slams to a stop before starting up again, as if the plane is crashing.

He loves me. And apparently, I feel exactly the same way about him.

I’m not ready for this. Any of it.

I glance at Jay, who seems as lost in thought as I am. He eats neatly, cutting his chicken and taking pristine bites off his fork, but his mind is elsewhere.

He catches my eye and puts his fork down on the plate. “I know,” he says.

And it’s enough. He does know. This is just another example of how I thought we were complete opposites, but we are really so much alike.

The flight attendant gathers our half-eaten plates of food, and Jay takes my hand again as soon as the tray tables are put away.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says. “Together.”

Suddenly, all my fears bloom at once. Jay is thirty-six years old. He can’t afford to be wasting time with me if he wants a family. Our relationship will be doomed from the start.

Still, I want to try.

“I can’t have kids,” I say, my voice quiet, barely audible over the faint rumbles and creaks of the plane.

His fingers tighten on mine. He doesn’t judge, doesn’t even react with anything but a quiet question. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Surprisingly, I do. I keep my voice neutral as I tell Jay how Iput off getting married and having kids while I got my career started. “Then it was too late,” I say.

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