Page 85 of Blitz'd

Zander’s mom has a place set at the table for me and it draws me up short, so Zander runs into my back as I block the doorway to the kitchen.

“What the—” He glances over my shoulder and I don’t have to see him tofeelthe smile radiating from his face. I can hear it in his voice. “It’s fine, Kerian. She probably wouldn’t poison you.”

“I might have slipped something into your coffee, though,” Colson says as he walks past, and the little good-natured barb is enough to get me moving again. I walk across the room and stop awkwardly at the edge of the table.

“Do you need any help?” The question comes out polite, and Zander’s mom turns and smiles at me… and I can see where he gets it from. She radiates the same sunshine he does, and I don’t know what in the fuck I’m supposed to do with the warmth as she flicks a dishtowel at me.

“Aren’t you the sweetest thing? Sit down, everything’s already done.” Zander hikes his brows over his mom’s shoulder, but the smile on his face is just as warm as hers.

He looks…

Happy.

He looksreallyhappy that I’m here in the center of his world, even though his world is the strangest thing I’ve ever encountered. I’ve spent enough time around people and pretending to be polite that I know the exact motions to go through.

They just don’t feelfakethis time.

We have breakfast, and Zander’s mom gives us an hour to digest before she drags us out into the yard—she said hard work, but I’ve never done anything like this.

I’mweedinga garden, and Zander keeps picking up grass and throwing it at me like he’s twelve. His skin is getting a little red from the sun, but I can tell that it’s just going to make him tan… and he keeps smiling at his mom while they talk about plans for Christmas.

I don’t…

This isn’tnormalfor me. The stark contrast between Zander’s family and mine is so apparent it’s almost like a physical line drawn between us.

Zander, and his mother who worked so hard to fill the gap of both parents. Zander, whose mom would give up anything for her sons without a question.

And me… who never had a moment like this. Me… whose dad never gave areasonfor why he beat the shit out of me, and it took me years to work out that shitty people didn’thavea reason for being shitty, and he did what he did because he felt like he owned me.

He felt like I was an object… and Zander’s mom treats him like he’s the center of her universe.

I didn’trealizethings could be like this, and when she comes across the garden and hands me a cool glass of tea, I feel something in my chest constrict.

Ineverthought I could be a part of anything like this.

Ever.

I have to turn my head so Zander doesn’t see the break in my expression, but his arms are still wrapping around me a few minutes later, pulling me into a hug that he doesn’t try to hide as he tosses his gloves off.

“Come on, Kerian. Let’s go take a shower.”

* * *

“Oh, Kerian. Do you think you’ll be back for the holidays? I know I’d love to have you here. I’m sure Zander would too.” His mom sounds so fucking warm, inviting… and Zander isblushing, but he looks up at me through the dark strands of his hair that’s still slightly damp from the shower we just took. His smile is absolutely helpless, and so warm I feel like he’s trying to burn me alive.

It’s probably the reason I give an answer at all. “Yeah, maybe.”

Fuck—I feel like they’re trying to draw me in. To make me a part of something.

To make me a part ofthis. Nightly dinners and board games, gardening andfamilyandlove.

Everything I’ve never had.

I can’t take it anymore. I’m not sure if it’s the way the emotions are overwhelming me, or if there’s a part of me that realizes exactly how empty the echo in my chest is. I’ve nevercaredbefore that I didn’t have a family—a life. I didn’tcarethat I had no one who really cared about me but myself.

I was happy with it.

I was content.

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