Page 73 of Blitz'd

“No.”

“We could—” He pauses, like what I said just hit his ears. “Wait, what? No, just like that?”

“Yeah,” I have to say the word through gritted teeth, because that feeling sluicing up my spine hits my shoulders, my jawline, and my teeth threaten to start chattering. “Just like that. I don’t want to go out.”

Zander’s quiet for another second, and then his voice goes soft. Sweet. “Kerian, is everything okay?”

“It’s fine.” I probably answer a little too quickly, because he’s talking before I’m finished.

“No, it isn’t. This is how you sounded when you came over the other night. Kerian, I can’thelpif you don’t tell me what?—”

“Help?” I laugh, and it’s so sharp it feels like a blade trailing up my throat. “Who the fuck ever said I needed help from you?”

I don’t needanythingfrom anyone. I don’tneedhelp. I don’t need soft, sweet voices that promise everything is going to be okay when the entire world can go to shit at a moment’s notice if I’m not taking care of myself.

I don’t need?—

“Kerian, babe, please. Listen, I can?—”

“What do you think this is,Zandy?” I snap the nickname out and hate the way it tastes on my tongue. I hate it even more that I can hear the small sound that catches in the back of his throat. It doesn’t matter—I can barely breathe. I can’tthink. My mouth tastes like blood and Ican’tlet him see me like this. “Babe? Really?”

I don’t feel like I’m in control. The shivers I’m trying to suppress are manifesting as jerking twitches of my muscles that send spasms of pain through my body.

I—

“You aren’t fooling anyone, Kerian. Iknowyou care.”

I laugh, and the sound is so angry and bitter that it makes my stomach turn.

“I care about getting my dick sucked. I care about how tight your ass is. I don’t care enough to go to some fucking party with you. I’m not your goddamn boyfriend, Braithe. This isn’t some happily ever after.”

I bite the inside of my jaw as soon as I say it, and a new wash of blood splashes over my tongue. It’struethough. This isn’t some fairy tale—I’m always going to be just as fucked up as I am right now, and he’s always going to be…

“Kerian…”

Good.

Zander is always going to begood.

Too good for me.

“Go to your party, Zander. I have shit to do.”

That small sound comes from his throat again, and then he grunts. “Fine.” The shaky breath he takes only slightly betrays that he’s upset. “Fine, Slade. Fuck this.”

He hangs up, and I wait until I see the line go dead before a growl tears from my throat and I throw my phone against the wall hard enough that it shatters into a dozen pieces.

“Fuck.” I stare at the broken bits like they have some kind of answer spelled out on the ground. They don’t, though.

They’re just shattered bits of metal and glass, and a surefire way to make sure that if Zander had something else to say to me, I’m not going to be able to hear it.

My tongue slides against the cut on my lip, and I take a shaking breath.

That tightness in my chest isn’t getting better—that lightheaded feeling that makes my scalp tingle and my jaw feel tight.

None of it is getting better because I did that. There’s nothinggoodabout making sure no one in my life has the power to really hurt me.

There’s just…

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