Page 96 of Romance Languages

“I think I’d look good with a mustache.” Raleigh rubbed his fingers over his upper lip. “Go for the wholeTop Gun: Mavericklook. I already have the body for it.”

“You must be very flexible to be able to kiss your own ass like that,” Greg said.

We burst out laughing, me loudest. It felt good to laugh again. Good for the soul and all that jazz. Greg grabbed us another round of drinks.

“So Julian was the gay guy you were telling us about at Stone’s Throw?” Hutch asked.

I nodded yes. It seemed a million years ago, back when I was more optimistic.

“Julian likes you, too,” Raleigh said.

I sighed. “I know.”

“Then I don’t understand.” Raleigh said as Greg handed him a fresh vodka soda. “If you like Julian, and Julian likes you, then why are you here moping with us and not bumping uglies with him?”

“It’s complicated.” I shrugged.

“Uncomplicate it for us because I’m confused,” Greg said. “We have time.”

It was three against one. The pain of my decision built in my chest.

“I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend,” I said.

“Why not?” Hutch asked, almost offended that I’d speak about myself in that way.

That was the problem with having good friends. Sooner or later, you’d have to share everything, all your dirty secrets.

“Because I have a problem.” I shifted my eyes to Greg, who gave me a nod of support, forever in my corner. “I used to have a gambling problem. I probably still would if I didn’t make myself stay away from online poker. It made me ruin the life of someone I loved.”

“You didn’t ruin her life,” Greg interjected.

“I nearly did. She’s still struggling.”

“How do you…” Greg had a lightbulb moment. “Who was that guy that came over last night?”

“Her brother.”

Greg nodded, things clicking for him. Maybe it was good that Vince had roughed me up. He’d stopped me from potentially hurting someone else I loved.

“She’s going to have trust issues on top of financial issues for the rest of her life thanks to me. I can’t do that to Julian.”

I kept looking out at the river, as if the water could take me away or provide comfort. No matter what, no matter how broke and broken I was, the river would never reject me.

“Does Julian know about this?” Raleigh asked.

“Yeah. I told him everything a few weeks ago.”

“You did? What happened when you told him?” Greg cocked his head to the side.

“Uh, well, we…we blew each other.”

“Interesting. From what I’ve heard, that is the common response from loved ones when people share that they have an addiction,” Greg said. “Interventions are basically giant orgies.”

“You guys don’t understand,” I said, not here for their snarky bullshit.

“And just to be clear, after you revealed your addiction to Julian, he still told you he loved you?” Hutch leaned forward on the table.

“Yeah,” I muttered. I was in a police interrogation. All three were playing bad cop.

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