Page 92 of Romance Languages

“What?!” my three friends yelled in unison.

I spilled my guts on our whole arrangement, speaking fast since our time up here undisturbed was limited.

Everett scratched his head. “When you say you’ve done everything except the big one with Seamus, you mean…”

“Everything,” I answered with a definitive nod of the head.

“Everything,” he repeated, shocked. “Damn. Nice job.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you any of this because then I’d have to go into my virgin status, and you guys kept teasing me about my crush on Seamus.”

“We’re sorry,” Amos said.

“It was only for fun. We didn’t know any of this was going on,” Chase said.

“I’m not completely sorry. I’m like forty-three percent sorry,” Everett said. “Part of the reason why I liked to give you shit about your crush was because I wanted you todosomething about it. You liked Seamus, and whenever I saw you two together, I always wondered. You two had some kind of spark.”

“Considering how many coaches at this school have turned out to be gay, the odds were statistically in your favor.” Chase shrugged. “I wonder if correlation equals causation in this case.”

Tears broke down my face. I cried into my knit gloves.

“Chase, I told you to cool it with the science talk,” Everett said.

“It was math talk.”

“Oh, whatever.” Everett pulled me against him as Amos and Chase rubbed my arms and back. “J, talk to us. What happened?”

“I thought we really had something special, but it was all in my head. I told him I was inlovewith him. How could I be so dumb?”

“You weren’t dumb. You were honest,” Chase said matter-of-factly. “Telling the truth is never dumb.”

“God, I’m such a cliché. I fell for my straight friend.”

“In all fairness, that was after you two fooled around multiple times. That would mess my circuits up, too,” Amos said.

“I was so certain, too. I felt something between us.” The heat of his kiss, the way he stared at me, wanting me. Was the sex haze really that powerful? “Doesn’t matter now.”

“His loss.” Chase rubbed my knee.

“But your gain.”

I popped my head up and stared at Amos. Did he misspeak?

“What?” I asked him.

“You might think you’re in the same place you were a month ago, but you’re not, J,” said Amos. “You’ve gained all this experience. You dared to confess your feelings to a guy you love. You let yourself be vulnerable for once.”

“What does that mean?” I wasn’t sure whether or not to be offended.

“You keep things in. You work so hard to be this stable, reliable person, the friend we can all count on. You’re always wearing a poker face, and you don’t even realize it.” Amos took my tear-stained, gloved hands in his. “It’s okay to fall apart sometimes.”

This was uncharted territory for all of us. I was never the one who needed support. I spent my life supporting others, being there for them when they needed a shoulder to cry on, or advice, or help with party planning, or assistance with grading software.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this. Let us be your rock this time,” Everett said. “You don’t have to keep secrets from us or worry about what we think of you. We love you, J. We’ll always love you. You’re a mess like the rest of us.”

I leaned into my friends. They shielded me from the harsh cold and everything else that life tried to throw at me.

“This hurts,” I said, plain and simple.

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