Page 76 of Romance Languages

“Sex is just what mammals do. The only reason we make a big deal out of it is because of our puritanical roots,” Cale said, confident in his grasp of American culture. “In Europe, sex is no big deal. You teach French, Mr. Bradford. In France, everybody has sex all the time. It’s like doing the laundry.”

I cocked my head to the side.

“I’m not sure that’s accurate, Cale.”

“Cale has a point,” said Ella, the cool girl one row over with jet black hair who always wore killer boots. “It’s like adults and society put all this weight on sex and losing your virginity, that it’s some big milestone, but really…” Ella shrugged. “It’s just sex. You do it for the first time, it hurts a little, it feels good a little, and then you go on with your life. By calling it a major milestone, it just puts all this pressure on us.”

“Yeah.” Cale pointed his thumb at Ella in solidarity. “Like, why is it so important who we have sex with for the first time? It’s only one time. My first time was with a girl I worked with over the summer. We weren’t dating or super close. I’ll go ahead and like some of her Insta posts, but I’d never comment on them.”

“The whole virginity conversation is so toxic anyway.” Ella brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Like women are supposed to remain untouched for their husbands so they can be pure.”

She rolled her eyes with the trademarked teenage mix of disdain and detachment. Other kids nodded in support.

“But you know, women shouldn’t be having sex with liketonsof guys,” Cale said.

“Cale, shut up.” Ella shot him a glare that had the tiniest bit of playfulness at its core. “The point is, you can have good sex with no feelings involved. We’re told that sex is all about soulmates and love, but it can also just be fun.”

“What she said.” Cale nudged his head at her. “Like, in the moment, you can have a connection with someone, but it’s not anything real. It’s just a…”

“A sex haze,” said Ella.

“Exactly.” Cale snapped, happy that she took the words out of his mouth. The student behind him added ayup.

“A sex haze?” I asked. Sex haze wasn’t in the lesson plan.

“You can pretend like you have this connection when you’re in the middle of sex, and a part of you may even believe it, but once it’s over, the high wears off and you’re like ‘Oh, no way am I into him.’” Ella shuddered, making me wonder how much experience she had with the sex haze. (No judgment!)

“Yeah, you come to your senses once you…come.” Cale bit his lip, probably curious whether “come” was appropriate for sex-ed class.

“Huh.” I refused to let Ella and Cale believe they’d spouted off anything insightful, but my stomach got queasy wondering if they were right.

“I think the only emotional preparedness someone needs is realizing that it’s not always that emotional.” Ella shrugged, her face softening as she likely read the tumult on my face.

What if I had it all wrong with Seamus? If my students could enjoy fucking on a purely physical level, then why couldn’t he too succumb to a sex haze?

Like he loved to say, it was friction.

* * *

Seamus texted me afterschool.He wanted to come over tonight and try rimming. I might’ve been more scared of that than actual sex. I said yes, then proceeded to take a very thorough shower.

“What’s that?” I pointed to the small box in his hand when he arrived.

He stepped inside and walked right into the bedroom, ignoring my question.

“Did you want a drink?” I asked.

“No, I’m good.” He shut the blinds, an unnerving confidence in his actions. The box remained in his free hand.

Seamus sat on the bed, while I stood in the doorway.

“We’re getting naked tonight,” he said, as sure as the sky was blue.

“We don’t both need to get—”

“We are.”

Nerves jangled through me. I held onto the doorway. I couldn’t handle a Seamus this certain.

---