Page 68 of Romance Languages

This was it. Sex. The big enchilada. No pressure.

We had been building toward this. But then why did it feel so all-of-a-sudden?

Seamus took my hand and led me to my bedroom. How did he seem so calm, and I was a nervous mess?

“Nice bedroom! Damn, this bed looks comfortable.”

I’d splurged on a king-sized bed and fancy dark red bedding. I wanted one area where I treated myself like a king. Since it looked like I was going to spend the rest of my life sleeping alone, I figured I better make it comfortable.

Seamus collapsed on my bed, the thick comforter billowing around him.

“We should’ve been fooling around on this thing from the start.” Seamus rolled around like he was a dog. “Why’d we ever waste time on my bed?”

I liked his bed. There was something charming about the tight quarters and scratchy Ikea sheets that he’d likely picked out because they were on the showroom bed.

Seamus ambled to my nightstand and opened the drawer. He shuffled around pads and pens and old receipts cluttered inside.

“Are you looking for something?” I asked.

“Where do you keep your supplies?”

“Supplies?”

“Condoms and lube.”

A sinking feeling hit my stomach.

“How do you know what those are?”

“I’m secretly in your health class.” He cocked an eyebrow. “It’s the twenty-first century. Straight guys know what lube is.”

“I…don’t have any.” I hung my head. Reason 5,431 why I was still a virgin: I was forever ill-prepared. I had such low hopes for having sex that I didn’t even bother to have lube and condoms on hand.

“Okay,” he said, deflating a little. “Not a problem. We can improvise. Do you have olive oil?”

How much research had Seamus done on gay sex?

“I do, but it’s this expensive truffle oil from Tuscany. Not really butt appropriate.”

“I guess I can run out to the store.”

My nerves continued to amplify inside me. I pushed them down. Why was I scared? Why was my body revolting?

“Hey.” Seamus had me sit on the bed. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine.”

He rubbed my knee to soothe me. “We don’t have to have sex today.”

“That’s the plan, though?”

“Fuck the plan, Jules. You are bugging out.”

I threw my head into my hands. Why couldn’t I be a normal horny person? Why did my brain have to get in the way?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just all happening, like, right now. We were dancing, and then you were like, ‘Let’s go back to your place and fuck.’ The ‘and fuck’ was implied, but that’s what you meant. Which is great. I just…I think I need a little more time. And then there’s the whole naked thing of it all.” I was full-on spiraling. If Seamus wanted to drive me to the nearest mental institution, I would understand.

But instead, he hugged me close and softly shushed me, the shhh of his deep voice calming me down.

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