Page 18 of Romance Languages

Unlike me, whose life was a semi-disaster. The only thing I was good at was hiding the mess.

He shrugged. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“It’s better than most of us. I’m still hoping some of your togetherness can rub off on me. Seriously, I never would’ve survived teaching without your help. You’re an awesome guy, Jules.”

“Then how come no one will sleep with me?” His eyes bulged, like he knew he’d crossed some line.

The waitress brought a fresh round. He scooped up his bottle and took a big swig.

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Excuse me.” He burped into his sleeve. “If you were gay, would you have sex with me?”

Jules sure had the asking-awkward-questions-directly part of being drunk down pat. An explicit image of the two of us in bed popped into my head…and I didn’t hate it.

“Of course I would. You’ve got it going on, Jules.” I gave him another look, and you know what? I probably would.

“Can I tell you a secret?” He motioned for me to come closer. “I’m a virgin.”

“Wait. What? Seriously?”

He nodded so hard his head was going to detach.

“I’m turning thirty-five in a month, and I still have my hymen intact. Do guys’ butts have hymens? Well, my metaphorical hymen.”

I couldn’t resist laughing. The man was trashed yet still had the wherewithal to say shit likemetaphorical hymen. Julian didn’t realize how hilarious he could be.

“It’s not funny!”

“I’m not laughing at you. I promise. So when you say you’re still a virgin, does that just mean sex?”

“It means everything. Seamus, I’ve never even touched another man’s…you know.”

I held in my surprise. No wonder Julian had no idea how to put on a condom, according to the rumors flying through school.

“You’ve probably gotten further than me during a fraternity initiation.”

“That’s a big-ass nope. Shutting that thought down.” There’d been a frat brother who loved walking around naked, but that was the extent of the homoeroticism. When it came to man-on-man stuff, I was as much a virgin as Julian.

“My students have gotten further than me.”

“Who cares? It’s not a race. Fuck what other people think. And if any of our students are having sex, I guarantee you it’s lousy and unmemorable.”

He hung his head. “You can’t tell a soul. I haven’t even told my friends. I’ve been lying to them. I’ve been lying to them for years. What kind of friend maintains a long-term lie?”

I put my hand over his to keep him from spiraling. “Hey, hey. Jules.” I made him look me in the eye. Behind the drunken exterior, my wounded friend was still there. “It’s okay. Whatever you’ve done or haven’t done is up to you. It’s nobody’s business. When you find the right guy, it’ll all happen.”

“But I’ve been looking for the right guy for years, and…” Julian overdramatically looks to his left and right and up at the ceiling. “I can’t find him. I don’t want to be a thirty-five-year-old virgin. I have a month to ditch the hymen. No, I have…” He did the math on his fingers. “Twenty-six days.”

“You can do it. You’re a driven person. Look how you were able to learn Cyllabus.”

My joke was met with a thundering thud.

“The thing is, if I wanted to, I could ditch my hymen like that.” He snapped his fingers. “There are guys online who want to have anonymous sex with strangers. There are even guys who post their address online and say that they’ll be bent over and ready for any stranger to have a go at it. Which, you do you, no judgment here, but that’s not what I want my first time to be like. What if it’s a rainy night and these strangers don’t take off their shoes and they track mud into my apartment? I have this light beige carpet. It picks up everything.”

I snorted. My beer almost shot out my nose.

Julian sighed and peeled the label off his beer bottle. “I’ve waited this long. I want my first time to be with someone that I know and trust. Someone who doesn’t see me as a piece of meat.”

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