Page 83 of Romance Languages

23

JULIAN

Three days until the anniversary party. Four days until my birthday.

And less than four days until I lose my virginity. But who was counting?

Seamus and I hadn’t met up since that magical, candlelit night. Life was determined to get in the way, what with party planning, lesson planning, and BlingBling video planning. We still managed to sneak quick chats and smiles across the hall in between classes.

He was constantly on my mind. That night with him had begun to transform something inside me. Instead of bundling myself up in a robe the second I got out of the shower, I let myself air dry for a few minutes. I didn’t obsess over getting dressed right away. I walked around in my underwear first. I checked myself out in window reflections in school. Was I becoming a vain teenager?

Each time I looked at myself, I saw a little bit more of what Seamus saw.

And each time I thought about the way Seamus gazed at me, my heart did a fluttery jump. I told myself what I told him: our sex would be purely physical, not emotional.Keep your emotions out of it, Julian. That way lies danger.

Sure, it might seem like Seamus really cared for me, like maybe there was something more there, but I was too scared to find out. If I brought up how I felt, and my feelings weren’t reciprocated, if Seamus said that it was all the heat of the moment and nothing more, I would be devastated. And I would lose one of my closest friends.

If only I could talk to my other friends about this. But I was in too deep. Tangled under too many lies. And I didn’t want them turning my feelings into tawdry gossip or a joke. They were too raw.

I stayed after school on Thursday to help one of my freshman students struggling with the intricacies of French grammar. Outside, the air was cold and the teacher’s lot was nearly empty. As I walked to my spot, Raleigh’s car pulled into the space beside mine.

“Julian! How’s it going? Whatcha up to?” he asked when he got out.

“I’m doing all right. I have to meet my mom at the flower shop.” The florist had called and said that freesias would no longer be available for the anniversary party. We had to come up with a plan-B fast.

“What’s in the bag?” I nodded at the shopping bag dangling from his fingers.

“Ev is stressed with auditions for the spring musical, so I ran and got him some snacks.”

“You’re so thoughtful.”

“Eh, kinda. He gave me a list of what he wanted and told me if I didn’t run out and get them ASAP, then he would quote ‘devolve into a brokedown version of himself from which he might never recover.’”

Oh, Everett. Never change.

“But I added in a few healthy things, too. I got him some fruit chews so he gets his Vitamin C. We don’t want him getting sick.”

Sick Everett was the ultimate drama queen. The last time he’d tried to go to school while sick, he spouted off the “Not Personal” monologue fromErin Brockovichwhen we made him go home.

As much as Raleigh and Everett bickered, one could get a toothache from how sweet they were with each other.

“Wish him luck on choosing the right actors for me.”

“He says you’ve been like a ghost recently.”

The comment stuck to my ribs.

“I’ve just been busy planning this party.”

Raleigh nodded. I was unsure what he believed. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, there’s something I think you should know.” Raleigh’s voice got low. His face creased with concern.

My stomach clenched at his ominous statement. “What’s wrong?”

“Look, I remember our conversation from the Christmas party. You were a little tipsy and secretly admitted to me that you’re majorly crushing on Seamus.”

My face got hotter than the Red Hots peeking from the top of his shopping bag. Neither of us had talked about that conversation since it happened. I’d wanted to believe it was a dream. I trusted Raleigh had kept my secret.

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