Page 59 of Romance Languages

“So yeah, Jules. I have a good body. When I go out with my bros, I get checked out. But I also have crippling debt, a gambling addiction, wonderful people whose lives I’ve hurt. I’d rather be a thirty-five-year-old virgin than a thirty-year-old fuckup.”

I slumped in my seat, staring out the window at the empty cages. Silence hung heavy in the car. I was too scared to look over at Julian and see his first reaction.

“Anyway, that’s my baseball I’m trying to hit.” It was hard having Julian look at me like I was someone special, someone worth being on a pedestal when I deserved to be in the gutter.

A hand glided onto my shoulder and rubbed out some of the tension, a tourniquet for my wounded self. Each second that passed without him saying anything seared my gut.

“I guess some stories we tell ourselves are easier to believe than others. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“Jules, you look at me like I’m something special, and I’m not. I’m just a guy who’s terrible with money.”

“That’s only one part of you. A small part.”

“And so is your weight.” I turned to him, let my fingers linger in his hair, which was fast becoming one of my favorite things. Tonight, it was a balm against my shame.

“Maybe we’re not the terrible things we believe about ourselves,” he said.

I hoped. I had bared my terrible, ugly secret and Julian hadn’t run away screaming.

Our eyes locked on each other, and there was a change in the air. I wanted him. I wanted to connect with him in a way words couldn’t.

I kissed his neck. His skin was sweaty and salty, fire on my tongue.

I kissed his cheek. He shivered under my touch.

Next stop was his mouth. But I remembered his rule. A kiss on the lips was for love, and as close as we were in this moment, something held me back. Could I fuck up Julian’s life like I’d done to the last person I loved? I couldn’t bear to hurt him, especially as I was nowhere near finished figuring my shit out.

So I went south instead. His dick pressed against his jeans. I unzipped and unleashed him. He was hard and leaking pre-come. His breath hitched.

“Seamus,” he gasped out. Was he telling me to stop? Warning me that we were in a parking lot? Begging me to keep going? All of the above?

I disappeared his cock into my mouth. It was hot and pulsing. Julian vibrated under me. I licked his salty shaft, flicked my tongue over his engorged head.

“Oh my God. Holy shit.” His voice shook with want.

I bobbed on his dick, finding myself surprisingly adept at giving head. I couldn’t get enough of how much I turned him on. I stroked him as I tongued his balls. Julian grabbed at my hair. He wanted to push me down but hesitated. He was too polite to be rough.

I put my hand on his and pushed, giving him the green light. Julian didn’t need another nudge. With a fistful of my hair, he pushed me down and up, making his dick fuck my mouth. Jesus, this was too hot. I could come in my jeans. Feeling Julian shuck off his proper self and unleash his animal need sent every nerve ending in my body on high alert.

“Fuck. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” He bucked his hips up. His cock hit the back of my throat, making me gag.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be fucking sorry. This is so hot, baby.” I took him all the way until he filled my entire mouth. I strained over the center console, which dug into my ribs. I pushed through the discomfort of the position. Sex was a full-contact sport, after all.

“I think I’m gonna come. Wait no, I’m gonna come.”

I smiled, a difficult task with a cock in my mouth. Who was thinking right now? My brain had checked out, and I was gliding on impulse and lust.

“Give it to me, baby.” I slid my tongue across his head.

Julian clenched under me, then filled my mouth with hot goodness. It was such a bolt to my senses. I swallowed, eliciting another moan from him.

His breathing calmed down. I sat up and wiped my mouth on my sleeve. Julian glowed beside me, his skin and eyes glistening with life.

“First blow job.” I made a check mark with my finger.

“I don’t know how another guy will top that.”

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