Page 3 of Romance Languages

I scrolled through the seemingly endless options of attractive gay men in my area. Why couldn’t I bump into them at the supermarket or in the literature section of the local bookstore? I found a few who had charming things written in their profiles and sent messages. I figured I’d launch arrows this morning before they started their day and hopefully hear back by the time school was over.

Yet it seemed men on Milkman were hotly watching their notifications because not even five minutes later, two blocked me and two replied back before blocking me.

Not interested,said one.

Sorry, no fatties, said the other.

I laughed under my breath, trying to find the humor in the insanity of online dating. The gay men of fifty years ago would find it ironic that we could date openly now, but we were all too busy rejecting each other.

I exited Milkman and let my finger wander to a more pleasurable app. I opened up BlingBling, the social media app du jour that abounded with micro videos, usually of people lip syncing or joining in some dance craze. I basked in the glow of a new Mr. Shablahblah video.

“Things my students are totally embarrassed by,” he said, facing the camera as the text popped up above him. His blue eyes reached through the screen and held me in place.

Cut to him wearing a jacket, and looking side-to-side, mortally humiliated.

“Wearing a jacket when it’s cold.”

Cut to him tossing a crumpled piece of paper into the wastebasket, missing, then scurrying out of frame.

“Not making a trash shot.”

Cut to him sitting at a desk, raising his hand, and muttering “Here.”

“Saying ‘here’ during attendance.”

Cut to him dropping a book, then panicking, picking it up, and trying to play it cool.

“Accidentally dropping things.”

Cut to him staring into the phone’s camera, zooming in on his eyes.

“Making eye contact with literally anyone.”

I paused the video, pretending Mr. Shablahblah was making eye contact with me. I got a tingle up my spine and had to look away for a second.

The video cut to him standing in front of his markerboard giving a big smile to his fans. “If you enjoyed this video, make sure to like and subscribe.”

Trust me, I was already subscribed.

How was it possible that these twenty-second videos could lift my spirits on a regular basis?

“You really don’t have to watch those.” Seamus hung by my door, looking even better in person.

Yes, twenty thousand people might follow Mr. Shablahblah, but only I got to teach in the classroom across the hall from Seamus Shablanski himself.

Things I am totally embarrassed by: getting caught watching my coworker’s BlingBling videos which I blatantly swoon over.

I shove my phone into the top desk drawer. “I was just scrolling.”

“It’s getting a lot of shares. I may turn it into a series because my students are embarrassed byeverything. Were we this strange when we were their age?” He quirked an eyebrow, which rested on his beautiful face.

Seamus had a shag of dark hair that couldn’t decide if it wanted to be curly or straight. His eyes were an icy blue hue that was powerful enough to scoop anyone into their orbit. There was a near-constant lazy grin on his thin lips as if an inside joke were playing in a loop in his head. He’d recently grown a close-cropped beard that gave him an added layer of sex appeal. His tall frame was all toned, lean muscle. He was one of those guys who was probably scrawny as a kid, and no matter how much they worked at it, they’d never be bulked up.

And if cataloging his cuteness wasn’t obvious enough, I had a crush. A big one.

Seamus was straight, though, and I was more than happy to be his coworker and friend. Who needed gross guys rejecting me when I could have a one-sided flirtation with a sweet, funny ex-fratbro?

“You’re here early,” I said.

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