Page 41 of The Barkeep and the Bro

I woke up horny the next morning, thinking about Mitch’s warm breath and aftershave smell enveloping me. The stubble that scratched my chin. My thoughts traveled to other parts of my body where I wanted him to place his mouth. I cranked it in bed like a horny teenager while Amos made breakfast in the kitchen. What did Mitch’s come taste like? I’d tasted mine before. Would it be that kind of salty and bitter?

I made sure my hands were clean and that my pajama pants were firmly on before dashing out of my bedroom. Snow was coming down, blanketing the balcony in a thick white layer.

“Hey, Amos.”

He looked up from his coffee maker. He wore khakis and a button-down shirt tucked in—the model of respectability that masked the somewhat raunchy guy I’ve gotten to know.

“Morning.” He poured his pot of coffee into a to-go cup. “How was the inaugural Musical Monday? I was wiped and passed out on the couch when I got home. I promise I’ll show up for future nights. I really want to.”

He was the kindest, most thoughtful friend I’d had. My frat brothers and Wall Street friends would’ve flaked or just made up an excuse not to attend…if I still talked to them. Except for comments on social media, I had no contact with them. They didn’t text to see how I was doing.

“Amos.” I ran my palm over the top of the couch cushion, trying to figure out how to talk about a very new topic for me. “How…how did you know you were gay?”

Amos immediately suspected something was up. He took a gulp of coffee. “It wasn’t any one moment. It was a series of realizations.” He strummed his fingers against the cup. “And Hutch Hawkins.”

“Who?”

“Captain of my high school’s soccer team. Our lockers were next to each other, and I checked him out. A lot.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Because there’s nothing cliché about that.”

“Clichés are clichés for a reason.”

“Was he gay, too?”

“It’s brutally complicated.” His playful demeanor shut down, startling me. “Why are you asking about this?”

“I, uh, no reason. Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.”

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” Concern washed over his face.

Was I coming out? I’d always liked girls. I’d always had sex with girls. This wasn’t like switching from Coke to Pepsi. This was wanting to switch from Coke to...come.

“No reason. I was just curious after bartending last night. It was my first LGBTQ event, and, uh, you know, I was around LGBTQ people. You have to get to school.” I took his coat and satchel from the hooks and got him ready for the outside like the world’s most awkward manservant. “You’re going to be late.”

He opened the front door. I ignored the WTF stamped across his eyes.

“There was a time when I was confused,” he said. “And you know what helped me?”

“Talking with trusted friends and family?”

He shook his head no. “Watching some gay porn online to see if I was into it.”

* * *

I tookhis advice and opened the gay porn floodgates. The usual sites I visited had gay collections. There were probably other straight guys who watched gay porn, too.

It was odd to see men in the center of all these thumbnails and not women with big boobs. I watched videos of “fraternity brothers” who had sex with each other while other brothers played beer pong in the background. I rolled my eyes. There were so many code violations in that frat house that I couldn’t get invested. I moved to other scenarios and found my dick reacting, mostly to ones about older men.

I came across a guy who reminded me of Mitch. Same buzzed dark hair, same beard. He didn’t quite have Mitch’s eviscerating stare, but that was a trademark. Instantly, my dick perked up. He plowed into a pizza delivery boy, his hairy chest slick with sweat. I pictured that I was that limber delivery boy on all fours, and Mitch barreled into me with all his might. His calloused, rough hands dug into my shoulders as he stuffed me with his thick cock and grunted above me.

What would that feel like?

I tried a finger inside me, and it was...interesting. New parts of my brain lit up with excitement. My sophomore year, a girl tried to slip a finger up there while giving me a blow job after a homecoming party. That was a hard pass from me. It reminded me of a medical exam.

Curiosity latched onto my brain, though. Wasn’t this how anyone figured out what they liked?

Pantless, with my cock hanging free, I walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and scoured Amos’s produce drawer. I came away with a hearty zucchini. It was green, lean, and mean.

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