Page 43 of The Barkeep and the Bro

“Negative,” I deadpanned. Then I laughed, too, releasing all the tension in the condo. “I was…experimenting.”

“With my produce. I was going to make ratatouille! Wait.” He ran into his room. “You used my lube, too?”

“Guilty.”

“How did you know I had any?”

“I took a guess. Also, why do you have three bottles of it?”

“I was a Falcon as a kid. They taught us to always be prepared.”

“You are literally the horniest person I’ve ever met.”

“Where are you going?” Amos blocked me en route to the kitchen.

“To wash it off?”

“You were going to put that back in the fridge? Charlie! Think of the bacteria! No amount of oven or frying pan heat would sterilize that zucchini. That is going in the trash. Actually, wrap it in this Gap holiday shopping bag, then throw it in the trash.”

He pulled a crinkled, durable-looking plastic bag adorned with Santa and snowflakes from under the sink. I did as instructed.

A few minutes later, after I’d showered and thrown on clean clothes, I coyly joined Amos in the living room, where he was grading papers from his armchair. I sat on the far end of the couch.

“So…” I said. “Um, I think I might be bi.”

He nodded. “Everything about this morning is clicking now.”

Right. I’d asked him about his coming-out experience earlier.

“What’s going on, Charlie?” His eyebrows joined together in concern. “I couldn’t help but overhear you in your room...asking Mitch to fuck you. I can’t unhear that one.”

I threw my head back onto the couch. “First of all, thank you for not kicking me out on the street. Dude, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me. I’ve always been one hundred percent into chicks. I’ve never thought about being with a guy. Never crossed my mind.”

“So you never thought about jerking off with your frat brothers or giving each blow jobs after a frat party?”

“No! And I watched some of those videos this morning. What a totally unorganized frathouse. The guys weren’t even playing a regulation beer pong.”

He smiled hopefully. “You’re bi. That’s awesome.”

“I never thought about guys, though. Not until…”

“Mitch.”

I clamped my hand over my eyes. “My boss.”

“And Ellie’s dad.”

“And Ellie’s dad,” I repeated, emphasizing the awkwardness. I held a pillow over my face as I said, “And last night, I kissed him.”

Amos ripped the pillow off my face. “What?”

I told him about the creep from last night and pretending Mitch was my boyfriend.

“How was the kiss?”

“It was…” That bit of tongue that he slipped in was like a zucchini up the butt. “Awesome.”

“This happens. Everyone’s coming out story is different. Some people don’t realize they’re queer until later in life. It’s all fluid.”

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