Page 16 of The Mayor and the Mystery Man

“That sounded terrible.”

“Things are great.”

“When people say life is good, they’re usually about three seconds away from crawling into a hole and crying themselves to sleep.”

“That’s some real expert analysis. When did you have time to get your psychiatrist’s license? I’m doing well! Yes, it’s actually possible that I’m thriving in my life. Shocker, I know.”

He turned to me briefly again, the concern on his brow cutting through all my bullshit. “What’s going on?”

It was no use lying to him. He knew. He could read me like the front headline on a newspaper.

“I don’t want to bother you with my typical bullshit. You have a campaign you need to focus on.”

“Fuck that. What’s going on, Dust?”

I looked out the window. “It was perfect timing that you called because I’m out of a job, homeless, and dumped.” I laughed to stave off the patheticness. “Usually, it’s one or the other. But you’re in luck because this time it’s all three.”

“A triple crown of shit.”

“A royal flush of shit.”

“A hat trick of shit. Too bad you weren’t able to break an arm or come down with testicular cancer to make it an all-around shitfest.”

Damn him. We cracked up with pure, joyous laughter, the kind that cleansed souls.

I regaled him with what happened this week: the lousy roommates, getting dumped, punching a TV star, and being escorted off the back lot. It sounded like it happened to someone else. I was grateful to be three thousand miles away from that shitshow.

“Sounds like quite a week. You okay?” Here was the thing about Leo. He could be a real sarcastic motherfucker. But at the same time, he knew when to shut that off and listen.

“I’ve been better.”

“It’s all for the best. Those roommates sounded terrible. Audrey never seemed like a good person. She was stuck up and treated you poorly.”

I shook my head, shocked at the Audrey read. “You’re giving me your Audrey opinion now?”

“I didn’t want to say anything when you were together.”

“That never stopped you in the past.”

Leo wasn’t a fan of my ex-girlfriends. I’d stopped being pissed at him for his honest opinion since he always seemed to be right about them. With Audrey, I didn’t ask what he thought, and in turn, he didn’t proffer his thoughts.

“I figured it wasn’t healthy for me to chime in. I want you to be happy, and if Audrey did it for you, I was going to keep my mouth shut.”

“Doesn’t matter now.” I rubbed my eyes. I was tired on so many levels. “That’s it. I am done with girlfriends, dating, all of that. I’m going to be like you. Fun flings. Leave my heart out of it. Focus on my work. I was thinking of getting more into woodworking.”

“You’d be great at that.”

I tore my gum wrapper into tiny pieces. “Maybe these women know something I don’t. They know I’m beneath them.”

“Figures you’d prefer doing it on your back.”

I flipped him the bird.

“Hey.” Leo patted my leg and bore into me at a red light, suddenly getting serious. “You are fucking incredible. The ex-girlfriends refused to see what was right in front of them.”

I gulped back a lump in my throat. For a second, I wondered if Leo was talking about me at this moment. Were Leo’s features always this chiseled?

“If anything, those women were beneath you. You have a lot going on where it counts. Jobs, apartments. Those are material things. But the things that matter: loyalty, kindness, intelligence. You have that in spades.”

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