Page 11 of The Mayor and the Mystery Man

Just then, the trailer door swung open. “Hey, babe. You ready to hop into bed? I hope the camera guys don’t mind me getting a boner.” Adam jaunted inside but stopped when he saw me. “Oh, shit.”

On the show, Adam played a brainiac, a stark contrast to his real life, where he had resting what-just-happened face. It was like he went to the Keanu Reeves school of acting.

“We were talking about a scene in the show…” he stammered out, running a hand over his perfectly coiffed hair.

“It’s okay, Adam. I told him.”

“That we’re having real sex?”

“I know everything,” I said, suddenly feeling like a daycare worker to these two.

“Oh. Cool, then?” He gave me a weak thumbs up. “We cool, bro?”

“Yeah. Definitely,” I said with a heap of sarcasm.

“It was a shitty thing for us to do,” Adam said. His face contorted into a dramatic look. I overheard him once tell castmates that to achieve this forlorn stare, he’d think hard about why we park on a driveway but drive on a parkway. “If it makes you feel better, I always used a condom out of respect to you.”

“How is that…” I held up my hand, shaking that line of questioning away. “It’s…we’re all adults here.” I cut my eyes to Adam. “Barely.”

“Don’t worry, bro! Your soulmate is out there. Do you want some chips?” He offered me his half-eaten bag of Lay’s.

I looked at the bag, then at his doofy expression, and something inside of me snapped. I snatched the chips out of his hand and punched him in the stomach.

“Dusty!” Audrey yelled. “What the hell!”

Adam collapsed to the ground. I could’ve hit him in the face, but that would’ve set production back, and I wouldn’t do that to the crew.

I hoped they appreciated my concern for their jobs since I’d never see them again. An hour later, I was escorted off the set.

4

LEO

My Milkman scandal did not blow over. The first polling numbers came out since the story leaked. My approval rating dropped five points, and in a matchup between Rita and me, Rita had surged into the lead.

Vernita and I ran through potential ideas to turn things around. I could give a press conference, but my comms team had concerns about how much it would help. We thought about having me partake in the latest viral dance craze. Rita and her family had uploaded a lipsync and dance video singing to the latest song from The English Patients, a pop-rock band that was climbing the charts. I informed my team that despite being gay, I did not dance.

I went to my happy place: the balcony of my friend Mitch’s bar, Stone’s Throw Tavern. It looked out on a tributary of the Hudson River flanked with gorgeous fall foliage. The steady gush of waterfalls brought me calm. I wasn’t into the whole concept of zen. That was more Dusty’s speed. Who needed to be calm and centered? Life moved too fast for that.

Mitch brought out another round of beer. My other friends, Cal and Russ, joined me out here to brave the chill.

“You’re down, but not out,” Mitch said, then stopped himself. “Well, technically, you’re out.”

I tipped my head at him. “I forgot for a moment I was gay. Thank you for reminding me.”

“This will blow over.”

“I said that last week. And it has not.”

“Look at what so many politicians have gotten away with and still won re-election,” Russ said.

“And they weren’t as attractive as you,” Cal said, trying to find a silver lining. “That’s got to count for something.”

“I took a casual poll of parents on the PTA. There are some who don’t like that their mayor is trolling dating apps and having random sex.”

Cal put his hand on his boyfriend’s chest. “They’re just jealous. Most of the women on the PTA wouldn’t know good sex if it fucked them up the ass.”

“Real classy, Cal.” Russ shook his head. “I was trying to make a point.”

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