Page 95 of The Falcon and the Foe

“That was close,” Cal said, sitting on the bed.

I sat next to him. My chest filled with confidence and determination. “We should tell them.”

“Tell them what?”

“The truth.”

Cal made a face like I suggested we have sex right in front of them. “Like, the whole truth?”

“Obviously not everything.”

“I don’t know how to explain to a pair of nine-year-olds that their dads are fuckbuddies.”

I heaved out a sigh, the weight on my chest slowly lifting. “That’s not the truth.”

He teepeed his eyebrows in confusion, just as Josh did during homework sessions. It was incredible they weren’t blood-related.

“I like you, Cal. Not as a fuckbuddy. Not as the guy to help me sow my overdue wild oats. As the guy who grabbed hold of my heart and who I want to hold hands with in public and wake up next to. And maybe that’s too direct, but I’m a fortysomething single dad. I don’t have time for bullshit. I want to be with you.” Again, my body was awash in calm, more things sliding into logical place. I was speaking my truth, as some of the parents at school loved to say, usually when they were complaining at PTA meetings. “I really liked last night. All of it. The cooking, the movie, the four of us. I don’t want to sneak around and lie to our sons.” I squeezed his hand. “And I know you don’t want to either.”

Cal’s eyes went watery. His body clenched up, but I believed that he had to feel the same calm I did. “Last night was magical. Russ, I like you, too, but…”

“But what?”

“I have fucked up every romantic relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m a bull in a relationship China shop.”

“Are you sure it’s you who messed everything up or the other guy?”

“It’s me. I’m the common denominator. And now that Josh is doing fractions, I actually know what that means.” Cal flopped back on the bed, the sheets fanning out under him. “Russ, I don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“What do you think we have?” I fell back and faced him.

“Amazing sex. Good times.”

“And?”

“And…” Cal looked at me, jaw tight, words trying to get out.

“You know this isn’t just sex.”

“What if we start dating, and it ends poorly because we get in fights all the time?”

“That’s how this relationship started! It was unexpectedly an aphrodisiac.”

“What if it gets really bad, and then we break up, and our sons stop talking to each other, or they withdraw in other ways? Josh is finally doing well in school and in the Falcons.”

“I won’t let that happen. I care about Josh.”

“And I care about Quentin.”

“Whatever drama manifests, we keep it between us and don’t let it affect the kids or the Falcons. We’ll be adults about this.” I smoothed a lock of hair behind his ear, then leaned in for a kiss which he happily received. “But I don’t think that’s going to happen because I really like you, and I’m fairly certain you really like me.” I forced him to look at me. “I don’t care what happened in your previous life in Manhattan. The Cal I’m falling for is sweet and thoughtful.”

“You’re falling for me?”

“Yeah, every day with you feels like that moment when I step off the platform and fly through the air.”

Cal kissed me deep and hard, but we cut it off quick lest our bodies get ahead of ourselves. The sounds of clanging pots and boys scampering to cover it up wafted up to the second floor. We were on borrowed time.

“How do you think they’ll react?” Cal asked.

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