Page 62 of The Falcon and the Foe

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CAL

There was a point in my twenties when I was used to being naked around strangers. That ship had sailed.

“Scout Leader Cal?” Quentin asked, on behalf of the entire scouting troop huddled around, ten pairs of eyes looking at me cock-eyed. Fortunately, the water was dark enough to keep this interaction rated PG. But still, I could imagine the field day the Religious Right would have with this visual.

“Hey there.” I laughed nervously. And alone. Abandoned by my partner in public indecency. I wanted to kill Russ. Suck his cock and fuck the life out of him and make out until my mouth fell off. But then kill him.

“What are you boys doing up so early?”

“We heard a hyena, we think,” Quentin said.

“I read online that hyenas and coyotes really prefer eating children over adults,” Chase said.

I resisted rolling my eyes and silently cursed the internet.

“I doubt that.”

“Dad, what are you doing?” Josh cocked his head at me, as did the other kids. He squinted, half in confusion and the other in abject embarrassment.

I cut my eyes at the boulder and saw Russ disappearing his bare ass into the woods like he was cast onNaked and Afraid. He tripped over a branch and let out a yell.

“Was that a hyena?” Quentin asked.

“Hey!” I yelled and splashed my hands in the water, diverting their attention. “You guys!” I yelled and splashed again.

They all looked my way, waiting for me to continue my thought. My brain chose this moment to go blank. Fortunately, I took an improv class once, though I only remember sleeping with the teacher. Who turned out to be married.

Chase craned his neck at the woods. He took a curious step in that direction.

“Did you know that this water...this water…this river was used by the American army during the Revolutionary War to defeat the British. Yeah, George Washington himself sailed down this river with his Redcoats and ambushed the British. What do you think of that, Chase?”

“I thought the Redcoats were the British,” Chase said. He reached for his phone before realizing there was no service.

“You’re right. Old man brain. The, uh, um...the Bluecoats.” Spending my high school history classes staring at hot jocks was backfiring on me big time. “The Bluecoats sailed this river.”

Quentin scratched his nose. “I thought Washington crossed the Delaware.”

Another rustle in the woods. I imagined Russ trying to get dressed as fast as he could and failing.

“He did!” I splashed my hands in the water. “He did, Quentin! But how did he get to the Delaware River, huh?”

Quentin nodded with understanding. The other scouts joined.

“And George Washington was a scout. He invented it. His first experiment was when he put the key on the kite.”

“That was Ben Franklin,” Josh said.

“Are you sure about that?” I asked in my burly-dad voice that dared him to contradict me. I felt bad that I was actively feeding these kids incorrect facts, but they’d figure it out once they got onto Wikipedia later.

“You can tell which way ships are coming in the water by the size of the rapids and the flow of the current. Because if a large ship...you know, there are currents that get more...current...when a ship comes near…” I wanted to run away screaming, but I couldn’t because I was naked.

“Are these all your clothes?” Chase kicked at my boxers.

“Waves get bigger because of the current and the due North of the moss on the tree…”

“As Scout Leader Cal was saying,” Russ stepped from the clearing, fully dressed in his uniform. “You can tell a fish or a ship is getting closer when the ripples of the water get smaller because it’s taking up more of the volume of the water. It’s very much like the calm before the storm. That was a trick Washington used when navigating in naval battles.”

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