Page 169 of Blood & Betrayals

“And you’re a stubborn ass.”

I lunge for him, pushing through the pain and plunging my fist into his stomach, striking faster than he can react.

Max’s breath hisses out, and his eyes glow green. I’m about to hit him again when he holds his hand up. “Wait. Don’t. I need… control.”

Is he fucking kidding? He breaks one of my ribs, but he can’t get hit in the stomach without needing to leash the berserker? Fuck him. I roll my eyes and turn, leaving the sparring room.

“Get your ass back here,” he growls.

I whirl on him. “Are you fucking kidding me? You want me to fight with you. I do, and get one punch in before you go all Berserker Ballistic on me?”

Max snaps his teeth. “You took a cheap shot. The berserker could snap you like a twig.”

“All of your shots are cheap because I don’t fucking know what I’m doing,” I snarl.

“Because you’re using your head and not your instinct!” Max growls back, throwing another punch. I dodge it easily, fueled by my anger. “Don’t think.” He strikes out at me again. “Don’t be smart.” He spins, kicking out at me. “Just survive.”

I dodge each one, almost anticipating each of his moves.

“Faster,” Max commands, closing the distance between us and pushing me into more intricate footwork. “Faster, damsel. Stand your ground, or I’ll back you into the wall, and you’ll be stuck.” I give another step, and he swings again. “Sloppy. Don’t let me gain space.”

He swings again, and I back up again. A kernel of doubt sprouts, strangling my fledgling confidence. Suddenly, my instincts become lost to the white noise, and I feel the bricks behind my back. Max slams his fist into the wall right beside my head, and the stone quakes beneath his hit. “Stop holding back.”

I look up at him, my body shutting down.

“I grew up hating the berserker side. It was blind rage and destruction.”

Panic creeps in, and my breaths quicken. It’s not from fear of him but of how easily I slipped into my instincts. Those abilities are the gateway to my other side and the power I swore to keep locked away.

“Most of my family are little more than their berserker. It drove my mother to take her own life.” He looks away, a flicker of pain crossing his face. “Your power can be your destruction or your salvation. I know what mine is now.” He looks at me, his face once again hard. “When are you going to decide which yours is?”

I feel that still unfamiliar heat of tears stinging my eyes.

Max raises his hands and steps back. “We’re done for today.” He turns, giving me his back, and I swallow, holding back the dry sobs stuck in my throat. Something within me unlocked when I used that branch of my power. I barely brushed against it, but I’ve opened a floodgate of emotions. My feet move of their own accord, and I run from the gym, needing space and air.

But where can I run to? The forest is unsafe. The dorm has Alice. The Morningstar House has Connor. I need to do this on my own, and I am desperate to find some space. These emotions are mine, and I need to feel them, own them, and understand them. I am not ready to share them. Hell, I am not even sure what they are.

I just run, with no destination in mind, and no route planned. My chest constricts with every sob, and I try to find solace in the burn of my lungs. I push myself, but there is only pain and not from the healed broken rib. Physical pain I can manage. This is a deeper agony of self-hatred and doubt. I run and run, getting lost but not caring. I long to be lost, but how do I hide from myself?

A hand wraps around my arm, stopping my flight. I whip around, a scream stuck in my throat. The stranger’s hold is firm as if afraid I will try to escape, but I simply stare up at him, trying to make sense of his shadowed, blurry form. I can feel the intensity of his gaze, and we stand there in silence for long moments.

“Where are you going?” His voice brushes against my ear.

“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. My voice breaks a little as I put my truth into the air.

There is a moment of indecision before he moves in closer, wrapping himself around me. I don’t resist. I don’t know why, but I mold myself to his chest, accepting the comfort. It is an odd embrace. I can feel his powerful arms around me, but there is no warmth to his body, no scent. There is just the comfort of ahold, the compression of my nervous system forcing me to relax. Eventually, I pull back, looking up at him. He truly is an enigma. I can feel the danger of him, but he also possesses a gentleness. Or perhaps that’s just what he wants me to see. Or worse, that is what I want to see.

He gently brushes the back of his fingers along my cheek. “No tears, but your eyes are red.”

I look up at him, and he brushes a lock of hair behind my ear. He drops his hand, and we stare at each other for another long moment. I can feel him waiting, trying to anticipate my next move.

“You’re back?” I ask. My voice is a little weak from the emotion. I hadn’t heard from him since our messages after the forest when I’d thrown those horrible names at him and told him to leave me alone. I hadn’t even felt his eyes on me. But I had been thinking about him, and I had been checking to see if he was keeping tabs on me. He had been always watching, but this time, from afar.

“Do you want me to be back?” he asks. The question is loaded, dangerous, and interesting.

My gaze bores into the blur that is his face as if the intensity of my stare may reveal the concealed parts of him.

“I should go,” I whisper, though my feet make no move to follow my thoughts. When I don’t move, he cups my cheek again. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore,” I admit, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch. It is a moment of weakness, and I know it. I had always thought using my powers would be my downfall, but Max may be right. They can be my downfall or my salvation.

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