Page 279 of Blood & Betrayals

I swallow, dread filling my stomach and bile burning my throat at what I am about to do. That voice screams at me from the depths of my soul, begging me to keep this ugly truth from the perfection that is Connor. What would happen if I told him about Torin? Would he go after him? I can't risk that. Torin is fairly powerful, but that's not what makes him so dangerous. It's the allies he keeps.

My entire body aches with repudiation at the thought of showing him who I truly am. He will leave. He will walk away in disgust. How could he not? And now I am forced to face my own ugly truth. I can scream to the heavens that this was to protect him, but honestly, I was protecting myself.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I nod and slide my hand into his, pulling him to the couch. His body tenses when I touch him, but he follows me and sits down. I settle beside him, tucking my body into the corner but turning to face him. Fear clenches my throat like a fist, but it's no longer fear of being open with him. It's the terror of losing him.

I keep hold of his hand, and Connor doesn't pull away. He seems to know that I need his touch for strength. I swallow down the sick feeling of guilt and begin to talk, hoping that giving him a sliver of the full story will be enough,

"I was abandoned as a baby in the mortal realm of all places." My mouth is dry, and I am practically choking on fear. "A mortal woman found me somewhere in the woods, I believe. I only ever knew her as Grammy. When she found me, I looked like a mortal infant. My parents had seemingly cared just enough to glamour me so the mortals would accept me. The rune only lasted so long, though, and by the time I was three, the truth of my heritage was starting to show."

I reach up, touching the point of one ear.

"For as long as I can remember, Grammy used to braid my hair to hide my pointed ears. Even now, the mortal realm is not a kind place to… those like us. She used to make me wear contact lenses to hide the color of my eyes. They would burn when I put them in. I hated them more than anything. They were worse than even the beatings I got when my magic flared accidentally."

Memories assault me, and I drop my gaze, staring at our hands. My knuckles are white, and I ease my grip, twining my fingers with his. He is still here. It will be okay.

"There was nothing she could do once my powers came in fully, so she told me every day that they were something to be hidden, repressed, and ashamed of. One day, I came home from school and found her sitting in her old armchair. She was cold. So cold. So pale." A tear slides down my cheek. Not for her butfor what she represented. The familiar loneliness swarms me. It is all the more shocking because it had been absent since Alice and Connor. "I was thirteen when she died."

I exhale a shaky breath at the memory of what happened next, what my desperation to belong to someone led me to do. I push that thought away before I continue,

"A few weeks after her burial, I found a chest in her bedroom. Inside, there were several diaries and letters. It was every scrap of information she knew about me. I looked into my past a little, but I was young, and it was just too hard. I knuckled down in school, and I… was alone."

Show me what you can do, Summer.

I close my eyes at the memory unfolding in front of me. The first time I felt Torin's magenta eyes on me, the first time he slowly undid my brain, so gently luring me into a false sense of security. The gentleness was a ploy, another manipulation.

"Until I got the acceptance letter for Avalon." I force myself to push forward with the story, unable to tell Connor what I did and the truth of what I am. He would leave me for sure. There is no way he could accept the darkness I harbor. I glance at Connor and find his gaze pinned on me. "Grammy always kept me at a distance. She was cold and cruel. She was afraid of me, but she was the only person I had."

Show me what you can do, Summer.

The words sit heavily between us, and the room is deafeningly silent for a while. I stare at our hands, sliding my fingers up and down his and tracing the lines and calluses on his palm. Finally, Connor shifts and pulls me into him, tucking my head against his shoulder.

A small sob breaks free from my throat. "I'm sorry, Connor. I… You deserve better."

"I just…" Connor strokes my arm with his thumb. "Summer, I need to know that you'll tell me things, even if they're uncomfortable or you're afraid."

I exhale and pull back to look at him, trying to find a way to push away the guilt that is clawing up my throat, trying to force the worst of the truths from me. So, I divulge more truths, other truths, truths that are not so horrific. "Months ago, someone ransacked our dorm. They stole some of my clothing."

"Alice knew?" Connor asks, his shoulders tensing again.

"Connor, I'm telling you everything now. It's all I can do. Alice only knew because when I found the third victim…" I take a steadying breath, trying to push away the image of the dead fae. "I was covered in blood, and Alice saw. I was also terrified because the dead girl was wearing one of the items of clothing that was taken."

Connor flinches.

I cover my face with my hands. "Fuck."

"They've been… toying with you." I drop my hands, looking at him, his reply surprising me. "You must have been so scared."

Fuck, he's so perfect. I swallow. "It's not been easy," I concede.

"I'm sorry," Connor says.

I frown and shake my head at the apology. There is only one person at fault here. And it's me. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You were alone."

"Not completely. I wanted to protect you, Connor, but I did what I could to keep myself safe."

"I should be protecting you," Connor says, clenching his fists and looking down at them.

---