Page 273 of Blood & Betrayals

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not like mine. The only difference is that I can’t feel you, but I can see you, hear you, smell you.”

“You can’t feel me at all?”

“No.”

I place my hand on top of his. “Nothing?”

He shakes his head again.

“But you can smell me?”

“Citrus and peonies.”

I worry my lip, staring up at him.

“What?”

“I should go,” I say and stand up, trembling with the cold. My hands clench, and I start to walk away.

“All right,” he says, and I can hear the resignation and sorrow in his voice.

I stop in my tracks, anger welling in me. Why? Why does he get to be sad? He is the one who walked away. I went to him to talk, apologize, and reset a boundary, and he fucking kicked at me like a dog he wanted to run off. Spinning around to face him, I say, “I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I suppose I deserve that. If you don’t trust me, I suppose I won’t need to be in this avatar again.”

“Don’t fucking gaslight me!” The rage bursts from me. How could he say something so fucking unhelpful? I thought him above this kind of manipulation. The anger I’ve felt toward him since he left has been a tightening coil, and I finally let it go.

“How is that gaslighting you?” he snarls. “You just love throwing that word at me when I say something you don’t like.”

I glare at him. “I told you that you’re the only person who understands me, and you abandoned me. So fuck off. I’m allowed to not trust you after that! Get rid of the fucking avatar if you want, but don’t try to lay the blame at my feet,” I snarl and turn away, intending to leave, but his next words stop me in my tracks.

“I left because you wanted me to. Wasn’t that what you were about to do? Push me away like always? Isn’t that why you came to speak to me that night?”

I whirl on him. “No. I came to apologize for crossing a boundary we set. I came to apologize for making you uncomfortable, and I came to say that it wouldn’t happen again.”

He scoffs. “And here are the lies you wear like a protective shield.”

“You always think the worst of people, especially me. But here you are! You won’t even show me your true self. You won’t even give me your name. So, who is really hiding? Who is pushing away? Who is keeping distance? I accepted all of it, but I am the one who wears lies like a shield? Since you love staying away from me, just fucking continue to do so.”

“Why would it fucking matter if I do? You didn’t act any different when I was gone.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ask, my voice raising.

“You went back to your little lie of a life and left me alone. I was the one actually alone, not you,” he growls. His power vibrates in the air, and I should be afraid, but I am not. He would never hurt me, and there is something more than just anger in his voice. I can almost taste his pain.

I’m not sure when, but we moved closer at some point. I push at his chest hard, feeling a solid wall of muscle under my hand. “You left me! You told me to go!”

“You wanted boundaries, and when you pushed them, you shoved me back, and I… lost my friend.”

I blink, gaping up at him. He called me his friend. He had never succumbed to that label, even when I had plastered it over every inch of us. Something within me breaks, and I wrap my arms around his waist. I hug him tight, tucking my face against his chest. He stands rigid and unbending, and I’m about to pull away when his body relaxes and he wraps himself around me, holding me close. I feel him bury his face in my hair and inhale deeply.

“I missed you,” he whispers.

My eyes burn, and I close them. “I’m sorry I crossed the boundaries. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” he growls, his chest vibrating.

I pull back enough to rest my chin against his chest and look up at him. “Didn’t what?”

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