Page 245 of Blood & Betrayals

Alice laughs hard.

I yelp and throw my phone away.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Alice stops laughing and really looks at me. “I’ll go get more tequila,” she says when she sees my obvious upset.

I shake my head. “I need to go see Connor.”

“Okay,” Alice says, surprised.

“This was wrong, Alice. I don’t deserve Connor.”

Alice’s frown deepens. “Because you found another guy’s voice sexy?”

I stand up and leave the dorm, moving completely on autopilot. I crossed the line. I crossed the line. I crossed the line. I need to see Connor and tell him. I walk straight into the house. Connor is sitting on the couch playing a video game, but he looks up when I burst through the front door.

Luke jumps up. “I beat you!” he yells, his face pulled into a wide grin.

I walk straight to Connor and crawl into his lap, burying my face into his neck. I need to be close to him and give him affection. What I really need to do is apologize.

Connor drops the controller and wraps his arms around me. “Hi, babe,” he says, surprise lacing his voice.

I inhale his cloud scent and close my eyes, trying to enjoy these last moments of joy before everything ends. “Keep playing. Sorry,” I murmur into his neck.

Connor rubs my back and shifts, sitting back on the couch. I’m vaguely aware of Luke quietly leaving us alone. I cling to Connor’s t-shirt, holding on tight like he’s a life preserver, and I’m in the center of the ocean.

“I’m here, babe,” he says, and his kindness makes me feel even more terrible, even more guilty, even more unworthy.

“Con?” I whisper, and I almost hope he doesn’t hear it, allowing me another moment to hold this heinous truth to my chest.

“Yeah?” he asks, and I close my eyes in defeat.

“I love you,” I say, pathetically trying to buy myself more time.

“I love you, too.”

I cling to him tighter, and Connor kisses the top of my head.

I shake my head, nuzzling into him. “No kisses.”

Connor pulls back a little, but I keep my face pressed against him, refusing to meet his eyes. “What? Why?” he asks.

“Because I don’t deserve them,” I whimper.

“Babe.”

I press into him more, clinging to every second of this. Connor kisses my head and stroking my back.

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whisper against his neck.

“I love you, too. You smell like tequila.” Connor tucks his arm under my knees and easily pushes to his feet, carrying me upstairs.

I pull back as we reach the landing. “You should keep hanging out with Luke. I’m sorry.”

Connor shakes his head and kicks open his door. “I’d rather hang out with you.”

“Not for long,” I mumble under my breath.

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