Page 80 of Queen of Vampire Hearts

Unable to resist, I kissed her, clutching her to me. She became fully aware in the middle of the kiss and began shoving against my chest. I released her but remained sitting on the bed, wary of her anger growing like a tangible force in the room.

“What the hell are you doing here? How did you get in?” she spat out as she stood. She turned her back to wipe the tears from her face, hoping to hide that she’d been crying. How many days had she cried herself to sleep?The thought felt like a lance to my chest.

“I got in the same way most people do, through the door.” I sent her a small smile, hoping to pull a laugh from her, but I failed.

“You need to go. Now!” She seemed frantic for me to leave, and a treacherous suspicion had rage coursing through me.

“Why? Are you expecting someone?” The jealous thought snuck out before I could call it back. I tried to calm the rage to a more manageable level at the thought of another moving in on my female, but again, I failed.

Her eyes narrowed on me. “Even if I was expecting someone,” she started, and I exhaled with relief, “it would be none of your business.”

“Youare my business. Now and always.”

She let out a cruel, short laugh. “Just like the bounty on me was your business?”

I winced at that and bolted to a stand. I came around to face her, leaving her no avenue of escape. If she departed from the room without hearing me, I sensed I would never gain her forgiveness. She needed to listen to me.

“I took that bounty before I knew who you were. It’s what Erik came to see me about in Tír nAill.” Her eyes fired at the mention of the wolf’s name. “Will you please listen to me? I—” love you, can’t live without you. When I close my eyes, I am haunted by visions of you, so vivid I reach for you, only to come up empty.But I couldn’t say any of that. “I want to tell you everything. Will you give me five minutes, please? If you still hate me by the end, I’ll leave, and you’ll never see me again.” It was hard to even utter those words, but I needed to convince her to listen. I’d say whatever it took for her to give me a chance.

“It’s over, Lucien. You need to move on.” Her eyes darted away when she said that, as if she couldn’t take her own advice. I wondered if she had been suffering the same agony I had.

“I can’t. Have you slept, Phoebe? I know I haven’t,” I whispered, knowing that her nightmares were probably back in full force without me sleeping next to her.

I was horrified at the possibility of having created new nightmares for her. I silently promised both myself and her I’d give her new memories, better ones, to block out the old if she’d give me the chance.

Her eyes blazed with anger and pain so poignant I almost fell back a step. “What do you care, Lucien? You gave me up. You handed me over to them, knowing what they would do.” Her voice broke slightly at that, and I wasn’t able to cover my flinch.

“I came for you,” I added, though I knew that did little to remedy the damage done. I could only stand by her in victory, not in the battle. It was something I didn’t think I would ever forgive myself for.

“Too little, too late. What if they’d executed me? Have you thought of that? If I hadn’t been able to escape the cuffs?” I paled at the idea, my eyes turning an even more violent red, my teeth grinding.

“If they had harmed you, I wouldn’t have left a single witch alive. Then I would have found my own end with open arms.” My answer stunned her, her lips parting on a slight gasp.

“You would? Why?” The shaky nature of her tone lit the smallest flicker of hope in my chest.

“I couldn’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” Even the thought of it stole my breath. I thought I knew pain, but these last few days without her had been utter torture. The true agony was imagining a world without her. “There is no future for me where you don’t live.”

“Hard to believe that after what happened. I…I trusted you, Lucien, more than anyone, and that hurts the most. You made me trust you when you knew you would have to betray me.” Her voice was raw with grief.

She truly hated me, but there must be a way for me to fix this. I could not have lost her forever.

“That’s not true!” I tunneled my hands through my hair, gripping the strands in frustration, trying to explain everything. “You can’t truly believe that.”

“What else am I supposed to believe?”

“I can try to explain everything. If you’d let me,” I begged, past the point of caring how I might appear to her. I wanted her to know the truth. Even if it meant she wouldn’t stay.

She nodded hesitantly, taking a seat in the armchair, gesturing me into the other.

XLI

The Realm of Mortals.

The Witch Queen's Chambers,

Salem, Massachusetts.

LUCIEN WAS HERE, AND HE LOOKED TERRIBLE.He’d lost asignificant amount of weight. His eyes were a solid red, only flickering to green once since he’d appeared. They were bloodshot, and I knew he hadn’t been sleeping. I could barely do so these days, not without crying for hours before.

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