Page 75 of A Deceitful Pact

“My first one. They say ya never forget ya first.” Sawyer does his thing and tries to make light of it.

“You saved those boys.” I’m starting to understand the way he is a little better.

“So, that's how I ended up here. Harry kinda took me in and gave me a job working at the bar, and when he died, he left the place to me.” Sawyer rounds up the story and kisses the tip of my toe.

“Have you ever wondered about your real parents?” I ask.

“Why would I? They sure as hell never wondered about me.” He laughs bitterly.

“You can’t know that for sure. Women in desperate situations do desperate things.” I’ve seen that a lot during my time in the force.

“Is that supposed to be a warning?” He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, trying real hard to get off the subject.

“It’s okay to be hurt, you know.” I struggle up into a sitting position and take his hand.

“I know, and I should be used to rejection by now. Ain’t gonna make sufferin’ yours any easier though.” He kisses my hand and gets up from the couch.

“Sawyer, I wish–”

“Don’t tell me that you wish it could be different, if you ain’t got no intention on telling me why it has to be this way.” He takes hold of the kitchen counter edge and grips it with both hands.

“The reason why doesn’t matter.” I move toward him because I hate the distance between us.

“You're wrong. The reason matters, Riley. It matters because if you told me, I’d find a way to fix it.”

I see the anguish in his eyes when he turns to face me.

“Is that really what you think?”

“It’s what I know,” he assures me.

“Okay, then, did you know that I grew up with parents who hated each other?” I snap back at him. “Did you know that those parents would scream, shout, and beat each other? One of them would run out for days at a time. They made their sole purpose in life to hurt each other.” I wait for him to answer.

“I didn’t know that.” His forehead creases as he moves away from the counter and steps closer.

“And hating each other wasn’t enough, they took all their hatred out on me and my sister, too.”

“I’m sorr–”

“They killed each other, Sawyer.” I break into a sob. “Mom shot Dad, then turned the gun on herself. She did that the day I turned eighteen, and I’m pretty sure she’d been waiting for that day to come.”

“Jesus, Riley, I’m sorry.” Sawyer wraps me up in his arms, tucking my head under his chin. “I wasn’t even sad. I was relieved.” I pull back and look up at him, letting him see the real me.

“I don’t want that for my little girl. It fucks you up, Sawyer. People make babies every day, but how often do you hear of a relationship that actually works out? I set out to do this by myself because that way, I knew I wouldn’t fail.”

“You can’t think like that. You must have thought differently when you were with Jack?” He tries understanding me, but doesn’t come close.

“Jack…? The guy I cheated on at the first sign of trouble? Sawyer, I don’t know if you're not hearing what I'm saying or if you're just choosing to ignore it, but I’m incapable of love.” I look up at him, holding his stare so my words sink in.

“I’m broken, and you may be one hell of a fixer, but you're never gonna fix me.” I pull away from him and head to my room.

* * *

I hear him trying to be quiet when he creeps through the bedroom door a few hours later, and when he carefully gets into bed beside me, I keep my eyes tightly shut. I can’t face another conversation with him tonight.

His hands go straight to my belly, and it’s hard to hide my smile when he places a soft kiss over it, too.

“You good in there?” he whispers, kissing me again and making a sweet little laugh when he gets a kick for a reply. “That’s my girl.” He strokes me softly with his palm. “Your momma is one stubborn woman, and I’m kinda hoping that you're gonna turn out just like her. She hates to be proven wrong, but I’m gonna do it for us. Me and you, we’re gonna give her that family that she doesn’t think can exist. Sound good, little one?” His palms glide over me as he kisses her goodnight. “Oh…and I might as well start drumming this into ya now. Stay away from JJ Sullivan, he’s gonna be trouble.” Climbing back up the bed, he snuggles up behind me, tucks his head into my shoulder, and wraps his arms around my middle.

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