Page 50 of A Deceitful Pact

Iwatch him leave, knowing I’ve pushed him as far as he’ll go. There's no coming back from this for him, and I should be relieved, but instead I’m devastated. I spend the next few minutes staring at all the people who are gathered around the hay bale marked dance floor, and wonder if I’m being selfish.

The more I think about denying my child the chance to have a father like Sawyer, the more it seems so cruel, and yet I can’t face the risks of the alternative. I manage to back out of the barn without anyone noticing, and as I slowly make my way back toward the field where all the cars are parked, there's a part of me that hopes Sawyer hasn’t left yet.

I have to stop that part of my brain from taking over; it’s unfair, and I can see how much I’m hurting him. I need better self-control, and if I can’t get a handle on it, I’ll have to get away from here completely. Forget about the Gendrys. Forget about Sawyer, and just focus on being the mom I’ve always wanted to be. I’ll never be able to do that here, not with Sawyer watching over us and wanting so much involvement. I should hate him for what he’s done. He knew how I wanted this to be, and he lied to me. Now, we’re both the victims of his deception. But I can’t hate him, I can’t even blame him, because deep down I must have known what he was doing all along. I let myself go along with it all because being around Sawyer makes me forget who I am. I liked how determined he was to knock me up. I liked how it felt to be his. Sawyer freed me from the person my past turned me into, and I embraced it. I even convinced myself, for a while, that I could keep that feeling forever.

“Hey, you. Wait.” I hear a voice call out desperately, and when I look back toward the ranch, I see Maddison’s father leaning on the fence post, catching his breath.

“Are you okay?” I rush toward him when I see how red-faced and out of breath he is.

“I’m fine, but my daughter…her baby’s coming.” He forces out the words before sucking in more air.

“I haven’t been drinking, I can drive her to the hospital,” I suggest, taking my keys out of my purse and preparing to get my car.

“No time, she says it’s coming right now.” He takes my hand and starts dragging me back toward the party.

“Wait, you need Dr. West.” I look back at my car helplessly.

“Dr. West left, and the woman who did all the flowers told me you know how to deliver a baby,” he informs me as we get closer to the barn, and I hear Maddison screaming.

“Of course, she did.” I look up to the sky and curse Eleanor Chambers as the old man hurries me along.

“I only left a few minutes ago, she was dancing.” I know these things can happen fast, but there must have been some signs. Hopefully, Maddison’s just panicking, and there's plenty of time to get her to a hospital. We pass all the wedding guests gathered outside the barn door, and when I’m led back inside, I see Maddison resting with her back against one of the bales and Jace crouched between her legs, looking panicked.

“I found someone!” her father calls out proudly, and I watch Jace’s head drop in disappointment when he sees that that person is me.

“You know how to deliver a baby?” he asks, making space for me down where all the action is and wrapping his arm around Maddison’s shoulder.

“I’m not trained, but I have delivered one before. If I can do it on a subway, I can sure as hell do it here.” I roll up the floaty sleeves on my dress and kneel between Maddison’s legs to see what I’m facing.

“Wow, you’re almost there.” I look up and hide my shock with a smile. All this really has happened quickly, she needs to be kept calm or there's a risk she could go into shock. “Is Lawrence West on his way?” I look back toward Maddison's father, doing my best not to look concerned.

“Yeah, apparently, Jean called him back as soon as she realized what was happening,” he tells me, standing to the side, not knowing what to do with himself.

“That's good.” I nod, cupping both my hands on Maddison’s knees and seeing the crown of her baby’s head protruding from between her legs.

“Is there something wrong?” Jace looks worried.

“Not at all,” I assure him. “In my very limited experience, everything looks exactly how it should, but once the baby comes, we have to cut the cord and deliver the placenta. Last time I did this, we had paramedics waiting at the next stop who handled it.” I explain why having Dr. West here is important.

“Okay.” He nods, taking hold of Maddison's hand and pulling himself together. “You heard her, you're almost there,” he encourages her as her body tenses and she bears down hard. I hide the horror on my face when I see the baby’s head slowly slide all the way out.

I don’t think it’s good for me to be doing this when I know that in a few months, I’ll be the one pushing.

“That’s right, Maddison, the whole head is out now, just take a breath,” I tell her, taking the slimy head in my hands so I can help guide it out.

“Ya hear that? His head is here, you just gotta find a little more energy for the rest of him,” Jace tells her, kissing her sweat-soaked temple, and when she starts to scream again, I look back down and focus on delivering their baby.

“That’s a good girl, keep pushing,” he tells her as the baby keeps on coming. He’s a good size, and once his shoulders are delivered, he slips with ease into my hands. I breathe a sigh of relief when he immediately starts to cry.

“Congratulations.” I lift him up toward Jace while Maddison catches her breath, and he quickly shrugs out of his dress shirt so he can wrap him up and take him from me.

“Is he okay?” Maddison asks as Jace places their son on her chest. It's a beautiful moment for them, and suddenly I feel like an imposter.

“He’s here.” Jace shakes his head in awe at what he’s seeing.

“Well done, sweetheart, I’ll go tell your mother.” Maddison’s father kisses her cheek before he rushes out the barn to spread the news.

“Look what ya did.” Jace kisses his wife as I back up and give them some space. I’m overwhelmed by all that I’m feeling as I watch them together. I knew going into this that giving birth alone is going to be scary, but witnessing this is making me question if I can do it by myself. Jace kept Maddison calm and focused, he reminded her of what all the pain was for with the excitement in his voice. I’m not going to have that. I’ll be surrounded by strangers who deliver babies every day. The moment my child is born won’t be special to them, I’ll have no one to share and remember it with, and suddenly that seems so sad.

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