Page 44 of A Deceitful Pact

“So everything's okay?” Sawyer sounds as relieved as I am as he leans closer to the screen to get a better look.

“Everything looks great. Spotting happens often in early pregnancy. It’s always best to get it checked out, but more often than not, it’s nothing to worry about.” The doctor smiles.

“Thank you,” I rest my head back down and take a long, deep breath.

“I’m just going to take some measurements while I’m here so we can give you a more accurate due date, and then I’ll print you a picture to take home,” she explains.

“Can we get two of those pictures?” Sawyer asks, staring at the screen and looking all teary-eyed.

“Sure.” The doctor smiles at him, and when he kisses my knuckles, I smile too.

* * *

When we get back to his truck, Sawyer places his picture in his sun visor, and once I’ve buckled up, he starts his engine and heads home.

“That was pretty fuckin’ cool.” He looks across at me with a huge, proud grin on his face. “And I told ya we had nothing to worry about.” He reaches over for my hand and squeezes it.

“There was a time when you were looking a little worried yourself…and don’t think I didn’t see those tears, Sawyer Anderson,” I tease. Knowing that everything is okay and that the baby is growing as it should is such a relief that I could cry from how happy I feel.

“Nine weeks, that's exactly what you thought?” he checks.

“Only three more weeks and I'll have made it through the first trimester.” I look down at my flat tummy and smile. Despite all the tiredness and feeling sick, it’s gone by pretty fast.

“You’re not gonna be able to hide it for much longer. How d’ya feel about becoming Clearwater Creek’s next big scandal?” He laughs to himself.

“Trust me, I’ll be keeping this a secret for as long as I possibly can,” I assure him, already dreading it.

“Well, don’t count on it being too long. You’ve got a strong, healthy kid in there, Doc said that herself. I bet you'll have a cute little bump to show for it in a few weeks.” He looks at my tummy and smiles, as if the thought pleases him.

“I think I have a while before I need to worry about that. I can always loosen my shirt around my middle.” I untuck more of it from my belt and puff it out around the front to demonstrate while Sawyer shakes his head and laughs some more.

“Seriously, though, what ya gonna tell folk when word does get out?” he asks when we get a little closer to home. He’s looking much more serious and maybe a little hopeful, too.

“I’ll tell them it’s none of their business.” I try to sound confident, because I’ve shown Sawyer enough weakness today.

I get him to drop me straight home since I already called in sick, and the last thing I want is for people to see us arriving back in town together. He pulls his truck up on my drive, and when he cuts the engine, there's a long, awkward silence before we both go to say something at the same time.

“You go first.” I laugh awkwardly.

“No, you go,” Sawyer insists, resting his forearm across the top of his wheel and twisting in his seat to face me.

“I was just gonna say thank you for taking me. You were right, I don’t think I could have made that drive to the city by myself today.” Emotions get the better of me again, and I start to cry.

“Hey…” Sawyer leans across the seat to put his arm around me, “...everything’s okay now.”

“I’m fine, I’m just being stupid. These are happy tears.” I laugh at myself, dropping my face into my hands with shame. The guy’s gonna think I’m crazy.

“Riley.” Sawyer drags my hands away and raises my chin so I’m looking back up at him. “You’re not being stupid. You were scared today, and I need you to know that I’m always gonna be there for you…For both of you.” He creases his forehead and looks so deeply into my eyes that I forget all the reasons that being close to him is a bad idea. My head nods as his thumb brushes away one of my tears, and I realize that my hand is resting on his chest when I feel how hard it beats. My head starts moving closer to his like an invisible force is reeling me in, and I let it take me. I let my lips touch his, and I let the relief I feel keep them there. Sawyer’s hand slides past my ear, holding me closer and deepening this kiss thatIinitiated. My tongue dances around his despite the screaming in my head telling me to stop, and when the fluttering in my stomach starts to turn into something more intense, I quickly force myself away.

“I need to go.” My hand fumbles to reach for the door handle, and when I finally manage to locate it and pop it open, I scurry to get out. Sawyer says nothing, just touches his fingers to his lips and smiles at me.

“Thanks again.” I slam the door and pull out my keys, spilling them from my fingers onto the doormat before I manage to get them into the lock.

I hear his truck pull off the drive, followed by the arrogant horn toot he gives as he speeds away. Once I get myself safely inside, I slam the door and pull across all the bolts.

“Fuck!” I cuss myself, pressing my back against it and reminding myself to breathe. I should not have kissed him, I shouldn’t have let him take me to the city in the first place. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have seen how proud he looked, looking at his baby, and he wouldn’t have a picture of it in his truck. None of what I’m doing to him is fair, but he’s making it so hard for me to distance myself from him.

Today, fear made me weak, and I need to do better tomorrow and every day after. I have to think of the innocent little thing growing inside me, and I won’t let it down. I know that me doing this alone is what's best for us, and I can’t have any more weak moments. I have to have my head on straight, and despite what I just let happen, I need to make it clear to Sawyer that nothing about our arrangement has changed.

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