Page 35 of A Deceitful Pact

Once I’m home, I let myself inside and double bolt the door, then taking out my gun, I go from room to room, checking the place is clear. It’s become part of my routine since I stopped staying at Sawyer’s house. When I’m certain that I’m alone, I tuck my gun away and head back to the kitchen. I’m so tired I could fall asleep standing up, and I blame that on the fact I’m not getting any sleep at night. I keep imagining someone hidden in the dark. I end up lying awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the nights that Sawyer stayed here with me, and how good it felt when he held me while I slept. It’s one of the many things I should not have let happen.

My eyes stare at the calendar on the wall, and I count how many days have passed beyond the day I drew the little red dot on. I’m five days late. Five whole days and I can’t avoid taking the test I have in my bathroom, for much longer.

Taking off my utility belt, I dump it on the kitchen table and take a deep breath before I head for the bathroom. I open the cabinet and take out the test that I ordered online.Only an idiot would buy a pregnancy test from the drug store in Clearwater Creek.

My hands start shaking as I open the box and take out the white stick. I read the instructions three times over, just to be sure, and, of course, to delay the process a little longer.

I really don’t know how I feel about this. I should be excited. I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, but this wasn’t supposed to be how it happened. I got in far deeper than I intended to with Sawyer; I let lust blindside me. Even more stupidly, I got so wrapped up in ovulation and conception that I missed the appointment with the lawyer who I asked to draw up our contract. Now, I could be pregnant with the town's sexy bar owner’s baby. I’m as tragic as a Dolly Parton song, and I only have myself to blame.

Myself…and Sasha.

Placing the box back on the basin unit, I take the stick and sit on the toilet, awkwardly placing it between my legs and trying to get my aim right. Then, when I’m done, I pop the cap back on, place the test beside the box, and wait.

I feel daggers slashing at the butterflies in my stomach and have to take long, calming breaths to try and stop my heart from beating too fast. The time the test needs passes, and I let a little more of it go before I finally pick up the test and check the window.

Pregnant

The word is right there in front of me, and seeing it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time.

I allow myself a few seconds to be happy and excited because this is a good thing. It’s just the circumstances surrounding it that have gotten completely fucked up.

SAWYER

THREE WEEKS LATER

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” Jamie wakes me up by slamming his fist on my bar.

“D’ya mind, I gotta headache.” I lift the bottle of Jack to my mouth, but he snatches it away before I can drink from it.

“It’s eight a.m., you need to sober the fuck up and explain to me why Harold Carpenter is in the ICU.” Jamie’s beyond pissed, and I know that because he never usually raises his voice.

“Harold Carpenter is in the ICU because he’s an asshole,” I explain, faking a smile so Jamie knows I have no fuckin’ regrets. I was already debating killing the fucker before I went to speak to him, but hearing the way he talked about Riley sealed his fate.

“He’s a fuckin’ judge, Sawyer.”

“He’s no different from you or me.” I remind Jamie that Harold is just as corrupt as we are.

“Yes, a corrupt judge that we could have had on our fuckin’ side. What do you think’s gonna happen when he wakes up?”

“I could make sure he doesn’t, if that would make it easier.” I offer him an option, though I can tell from his face that he ain’t impressed by it.

“Given his underlying heart condition, it doesn't look like he’s gonna pull through anyway. I’ve got one of the cops I can trust in Riverton sitting on his door, ready to take hisstatementshould he wake up. But all these favors I’m pulling are gonna have to be repaid. I need you to tell me why you lost your head.”

“Relax. Carpenter can’t say shit without incriminating himself.”

“Don’t tell me to fuckin’ relax! I want answers. Something happened to make you lose that cool ya got, and I wanna know what it was.”

I can’t tell Jamie the full story, so he’ll have to settle for half.

“Me and Jace killed three pedophiles a few weeks ago,” I remind him.

“I know, I sent you on the job.” Jamie looks as if he’s rapidly losing his patience.

“You also know that if Carpenter hadn’t taken handouts from those three men, they would have been locked up years ago. Think about all the kids who could have suffered because they weren’t. We shouldn’t have been sent there to blackmail that man, we should have been there to kill him.”

Jamie looks at the floor and shows that he at least has a little empathy.

“Yeah, well, that wasn’t your call.” He quickly recovers from it. “You were only supposed to make a threat, let him know what we knew. Jesus Christ, Sawyer.” Jamie opens the bottle of Jack and knocks some back himself.

---