Page 31 of A Deceitful Pact

“Sure.” He calls Len over to watch the bar before leading me through to the back room.

He’s trying his best to hide it, but he’s still pissed at me for what I did yesterday. He’s pissed at me for stopping him from making what would have been a big mistake, and what should have me cutting all ties and canceling this agreement we have. Yet here I am, at the first sign of trouble, running straight to him.

“What’s up?” He looks at me expectantly, and I consider telling him the truth. I consider telling him everything.

“Can I stay here tonight?” The words come out sounding desperate.

“You wanna stay here?” He frowns as if he doesn’t believe what he’s hearing.

“I’m still ovulating, and you were planning on coming over when the bar closes anyway, right?” I point out, hoping I convince him with a smile.

“Riley, what's wrong?” He frowns

“Nothing’s wrong, I just wanna make the most of this fertile window we have.” I can feel myself still shaking at the thought of someone going through my things and being in my house. It may not have been a Gendry who did it, but they are sure to have been behind it.

“Sure, head on up, I’ll get Len through the rush and be on up in a few hours.” Sawyer isn’t buying what I’m telling him, but he isn’t turning me away either. For that, I’m grateful.

“You don’t need to do that,” I assure him.

“I know I don’t, but we gotta make the most of the window, right?” He looks sad as he turns back around and heads for the door. I call him back when I notice a square-shaped Band-Aid on the back of his arm.

“Hey, what happened?” I point to his arm

“Nothing happened.” He shakes his head and tries to move on, but I grab his elbow and pull him back. I don't like the idea of him keeping something from me, which is ironic given the circumstances I’m here under.

“Don’t lie to me, what happened?”

“Nothing fuckin’ happened, Riley,” he snaps at me.

“How can you say that when there's a?—”

“It’s a nicotine patch.” He pulls it back so I can see the unmarred skin beneath it. “Okay?” I slowly release his arm and back off when I see how angry he looks. “Well, as we’re doin’ this I figured I’d lay off the smokes, and I’m findin’ it harder than I thought.” He softens his tone and I smile sadly, before making my way up the stairs. I hate myself for being so cold with him. His commitment to doing this right far surpasses what I’d expect, and the more I learn about him, the more I wonder what it would be like if things were different.

Sawyer’s apartment is a typical bachelor cave; there's a topless calendar pinned up on the kitchen wall, take-out containers piled up on top of the trash bin, and clothes thrown all over the floor. I take a seat on his couch and search around for the remote control, hoping that I can find something to watch that will take my mind off that damn photograph. I can’t hide here forever, I’m gonna have to go home at some point. I guess a trip across the street to the hardware store just became the top of my to-do list. I can pay Hank Chambers to fix some bolts on the door, and maybe he can help me with some other security options too. I give up looking for the remote and lie out on the couch instead. My head is thick and groggy, and my insides are churning like I’m gonna throw up. I go over and over in my head, doubting myself, wondering if it was me and my guilt that subconsciously put that photograph on my bed at some point. Maybe I really am going crazy, because nothing I’ve been doing lately is like me.

The night that photograph was taken should be looked back on with fondness and smiles. It was supposed to be a happy memory, one full of hope and aspirations, but the Gendrys stole that away, and seeing it again tonight has reminded me more than ever why those fuckers have to pay.

* * *

I stir when I feel my body being lifted, and when I smell Sawyer’s aftershave, I wrap my arms around his neck and let my head nestle against his chest.

“Where are you taking me?” I ask sleepily.

“To bed,” he rasps as he carefully places me down on the mattress. “Listen, I’m sorry I snapped at ya earlier, you being here just took me off guard, and I–”

“You don’t have to apologize, I appreciate you letting me stay.” I rest against his pillow, feeling more alert as I watch him slide out of his clothes and get under the sheets beside me.

“You're always welcome to stay here.” He smiles, placing his arm around me and pulling me close to him. I could cry from the relief I feel to be held and kept safe.

“What are we, Sawyer?” I ask, looking up at him and seeing how confused he is. Last night I silenced him, tonight I want answers. I don’t blame the man for thinking I’m a mess.

“What do you mean?” His frown lines deepen.

“I mean, what are we to each other? We can’t ever be lovers, but I came to you tonig–” I cut myself off before I admit to him, or myself, that I’m here because I needed him. I’ve never needed anyone in my life and I’m not about to start that bullshit now.

“I guess we’re friends.” I hear the hurt in his voice as he kisses the top of my head.

“Well, if that's the case, you're the best friend I’ve ever had.” I wrap my hand around his forearm and squeeze it tight, while his other hand strokes through my hair and sends me back to sleep.

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