Page 72 of Lose Me In The Shadows

Oh, she wanted honesty? He’d give her honesty.

“You, sweetheart. Shooting me, running away from me, dying, not being able to find you… I have a lot of them, and they’re all terrible. And they’re all—”

“Because of me,” she interrupted, turning away to look out the window. “I get it.”

Damn it.

“No, sweetheart. Not because of you. They’re of you, but I don’t blame you.”

She shook her head. “What happened to not lying? Your subconscious is telling the truth. You blame me.”

“No, I’m terrified of losing you,” he countered. “One way, or another.”

That stopped her. “You’re not going to lose me,” she said. “You refuse to give me up, remember?”

Was that a challenge in her eyes? Or the need for reassurance? He wanted to ask her what it would take to get her to stay of her own free will, but that was a question that needed to be asked when all four of them were there.

So he changed the subject. “Have I ever told you about my nana?”

Kara perked up. “A little. She raised you, right?”

“She did. She also raised meright.” And would be so ashamed to see who he’d become.

“We lived in a trailer park in Galveston, Texas. Nana was terrified of the hurricanes, and she was determined that I would know how to swim, just in case. I know, that sounds ridiculous, but she was obsessed with this idea that I’d get caught in a hurricane and wouldn’t be able to swim my way out of the flood.”

He took a deep breath. He hadn’t thought about this story in so long. It hurt to think about Nana now, knowing she’d call him a liar and a fool.

He continued. “The thing was, Nana didn’t know how to swim either. Seems they didn’t teach girls when she was growing up, and my grandpa… I loved him and so did she, but he was incredibly controlling.”

“Guess the apple didn’t fall far,” she muttered, and he pinched her thigh again, this time in reprimand.

“But since we couldn’t afford swim lessons, the only thing she could think of was us learning to swim together. We got up early every morning in the summer before she had to go to work—she kept the machines stocked at the local laundromat—and took the bus to the beach, where we’d get in the water and practice swimming, based on books we read. I was terrified that we both would drown, but she was determined and told me ‘you don’t let fear conquer you, Lucas, you conquer fear.’ After a summer of practicing, and a few near-drowning experiences, we both knew how to swim, well. We didn’t tell my grandpa, ever. My grandma told me never to lie unless it was absolutely necessary, and I guess that was something she deemed absolutely necessary.” He smiled, remembering. “I didn’t go back to the beach for years after she died, but when I joined up, I knew I wanted to be near the water. I worked my ass off to survive BUDS, and when I got to Coronado, I never wanted to leave.”

Kara touched his shoulder, tracing absentminded circles. “You love the ocean that much, but you spent so much time at that mountain cabin in landlocked Idaho.”

Luke inhaled, the heat from her fingers warm on his skin—right where she’d shot him. Did she realize that’s where she was touching him?

“It’s just water. You love the mountains.”

He didn’t say the rest. He didn’t need to…and, he was sure, it wouldn’t be welcome, anyway.

“How’d she die?”

“Lung cancer. But I really think it was a broken heart; she passed only a few months after my grandpa died.”

Kara nodded at that. “I’m so sorry.”

Luke wrapped his fingers around hers in response.

“Are all three of you orphans?”

He swallowed. “More or less. Conor’s mom is still alive but he never talks to her. Micah’s parents are still alive, but theyact likehe’sdead. So yeah, I guess we’re all orphans in a sense.”

“Is that why orphaning those boys hit you all so hard?”

Luke nodded, throat tight, imagining those young, confused faces. “But that’s not why I told you that story. Kara, I’ve only been truly scared a handful of times in my life, and most of those were that summer when I was learning to swim. The last time—”

“Was when I shot you,” she supplied.

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