Page 94 of Lose Me In The Shadows

Even if the worst happened, and Jean Pierre’s wife didn’t know where her husband had hidden the evidence, it would still be okay. They’d figure out another way, and it would be good because they had Kara. Micah didn’t want to go back to the military; he preferred the honesty of being a hitman, where you at least admitted that you were being paid to be a murderer. State sanctioned violence was still violence. He hadn’t joined the Navy because he wanted to be a hero; he’d done it because he needed food and shelter and it seemed the simplest way to do it. He didn’t love the idea of keeping Kara in a life in the shadows, but it had become clear that being in the shadows suited her as well as it suited the rest of them. Unlike when she’d been in Chicago, or even when she’d been trapped in their mountain cabin, seemingly lost and a little broken, she appeared to be awake and participating and shining. And, despite what had happened with the professor, maybe, just maybe, she was closer to whole.

Even if that version of whole was performing fellatio on an enemy’s gun and then shooting said enemy with said gun.

She was asleep in the passenger seat next to him, black hair fanned out around her face as she snored. Even though the three men had taken turns driving, she’d remained in the passenger side the whole time, and no one had tried to move her.

Conor reached forward to gently brush hair out of her face.

“Do you think she’s okay?” he asked.

Micah sighed. “I think she’s better than she’s been.”

Luke spoke up from where he reclined in the back, legs stuffed into the tiny seat. “Are you sure? You heard the way she was talking about us killing her before letting Chris take her again. And you heard her nightmares last night, when she finally fell asleep. That doesn’t sound like someone who’s doing better. That sounds like someone who’s still reliving the pain of her experience.”

“Do you think…” Conor trailed off, his throat working in the rearview mirror. “Do you think we’re making it worse?”

“I think she was right when she said we need to move on. She was still punishing you, I know, but it’s no more than we did, when we punished her in the cabin.”

“She almost broke my heart,” Conor said.

“She made me so angry,” Luke admitted. “After everything that happened, for her to talk like survival isn’t the only option—if we hadn’t been in public, I would have beat her ass so hard she screamed every time she sat down.”

“Who are we really angry at? Kara, for fighting back when we took her, and not taking our shit lying down? For giving as good as she got? Or ourselves, for not making it clear to her that we actually cared?”

He glanced at the two emotionally immature assholes behind him. Oh sure, Luke seemed enlightened, at least at times. But his emotions controlled him just like Conor’s controlled him, just in opposite ways. Luke put his whole heart into everything, even though he’d deny it; Conor still believed he didn’t have one.

But it was time to go for broke, or they’d always be stuck on this road together.

“I for one, love her. Can you two admit you feel that way, too, or are you going to keep burying it? What do you expect from her? How do you expect her to give us her love if you can’t do the same?”

Silence from the backseat. Luke, at least, began to open his mouth, then glanced at the still asleep Kara and closed it.

“Fine.”

Fucking idiots.

Spotting a sign for gas, he exited Highway 1.

“What, you taking us somewhere to beat our asses?” Conor asked wryly.

“Sounds nice, but I’d rather fill up the tank and piss.”

Pulling into a rest stop, he parked the car and tapped Kara on the shoulder.

“Baby, wake up, we’re stopping.”

“Oh thank god,” she mumbled, opening those perfect brown eyes. “I’m about to pee my pants.”

She stumbled out of the car and toward the women’s restroom, Micah following behind her. He also followed her inside the bathroom.

“Micah!”

“At this point, do you really think I’m going to leave you alone for a second? If you really think we’d risk your safety like that,” he tsked. “Then you clearly haven’t been paying attention.”

Back in the car, they passed around waters and snacks, munching quietly as Micah drove back onto Highway One, picking up speed and relishing how fast they were going. He really loved road trips. And this was an especially spectacular one, as they drove higher and higher, the Pacific Ocean out one window, green hills out the other. There were no guardrails, nothing to keep them from plunging to their deaths.

“God, this drive is interminable,” Kara muttered.

Clearly his reckless badass needed something to keep her occupied.

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