Page 73 of Lose Me In The Shadows

He sighed. “Sweetheart, it was never about you shooting me, and you know it.”

She nodded. “Because I singled you out, right? Because it felt like a betrayal?”

Jesus, this was painful to confess. He’d tried not to let the hopelessness of their situation get to him, because it threatened to drown him and he had to keep his head above water in order to keep her safe, but the wave was coming and he didn’t trust that he was stronger than the undertow. He needed her to pull him out.

He held her gaze and admitted, “And because I still don’t know where we go from there.”

She reached out, caressing his face. It felt like the sweetest of stab wounds, especially when she said, “I don’t know either.”

That question plagued him again.What would it take, to get you to stay? What do I have to do?

She finally spoke. “So if it wasn’t when I shot you, what was the other time that scared you?”

That was easier to answer. “The last time I felt real fear was when you disappeared and we knew the Johnathans had taken you, but had no idea where you were, and if we’d ever get you back. I can’t go through that again. Please don’t make me.”

She opened her mouth, but at that moment, the train passed through a tunnel and went dark. Kara gripped his hand, so hard his bones ground against each other.

“Everything’s fine, we’re just passing through a tunnel,” he told her.

“I know,” she said. “I just don’t like tight spaces anymore. They remind me of…”

Where Chris kept me, she didn’t have to say. Micah had told him about the cell they’d found her in. Carefully, he gathered her into his arms, tucking her head into his shoulder.

“Breathe with me,” he murmured to her. “All you have to do is breathe.”

Eyes on his, she mimicked his inhales and exhales, their chests rising and falling in synchrony, until her breathing slowed and the panicked look left her face.

“Baby, are you okay?” Micah asked as he and Conor joined them.

“No. No I’m not.” Kara—the woman who rarely cried—sobbed in Luke’s arms, making him pull her tighter. Part of him was relieved, that she was letting herself cry, that she trusted him enough to share that vulnerability with him, and that she was finally letting herself feel. The other part of him wanted to beat up every single tear for what they represented: her pain.

“I hate that I’m crying,” she wept.

Luke just rocked her, silently encouraging her to let it out.

Taking his seat across from her, Micah stroked her hair. “We haven’t pushed you to tell us what happened at the Black Ops site. It’s time, Kara.”

Kara buried her head deeper in Luke’s chest, like she could hide from Micah’s words there. “I don’t ever want to think about it. I told you on the plane to Marcus’s—it’s easier if I just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Luke,” Conor said.

And Luke, knowing what he wanted, released his arms from around Kara so she couldn’t hide her face anymore.

“Kara, my beautiful, brave, terrified, complicated girl…look at me,” Conor said.

And she looked.

“Remember when I told you that burying it just makes the pain fester and rot, until it spreads everywhere? You can’t escape it. You have to face it. You’ve taken all that we have to give you, have given so much. Give us this, too. Let us carry the burden.”

She didn’t say anything. If she couldn’t tell them, then it wasn’t only hurting her—it meant she didn’t trust them. It meant she was going to leave them, after this was all over.

“Please, sweetheart,” Luke murmured.

She still didn’t speak. The undertow reappeared, depression trying to drown him, and Luke had to fight not to sink.

Therewasa way forward.

There had to be.

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